I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Five Irrelevant Arguments About Women in Combat

2012-02-10T17:23:00.000-08:00

So the buzz around the office yesterday was news that female soldiers can now serve in Combat Arms units at the battalion level. While this represents progress for those advocating on behalf of putting women in combat roles, it doesn't allow women into the Combat Arms branches (Infantry, Armor, Special Forces).

This whole issue just grinds my gears because I feel like the arguments on both sides are so far from the actual heart of the matter that it is borderline unbelievable.

Opinion pieces like The Washington Post's 'Five Myths About Women in Combat' by MAJ Jane Blair exemplify the type of senseless argumentation that pervades this issue. Literally all five of these 'myths' don't even freaken address the issue of integrating women into the Combat Arms branches. Yes, MSM there is a difference between being in 1) combat, in 2) a combat unit and being in 3) a combat branch or MOS. Stop posting articles about how women can do the first two, because that shit already happens. Shockingly, any argument that references the fact that women have definitely proven themselves capable of doing #1 and #2 is not necessarily even relevant to the argument over whether or not they should get into #3.

I don't even know if it's worth trying to address this article because there are literally no details in supporting anything that is said, but I'll use it as a base to make a general point. Besides, I need some sort of way to entertain myself after spending all day as an assistant to the assistant to the assistant S3 (good thing I went back for that tab).

MAJ Blair's Myth #2 is 'Women are too physically weak for the battlefield'.

Agreed, this is a dumb statement when used to argue against women serving 'on the battlefield' (whatever the hell that means now a days). Not many people male or female who have managed to get themselves into the military in the first place are too physically weak to experience combat on the contemporary battlefield when all that often entails is a) receiving indirect fire on a FOB, or b) patrolling in a mounted convoy between FOBs. Not to take away from anyone who has served overseas in such a capacity (because I have done decidedly less than that) or the courage and perseverance that is often required in these circumstances, but if you are going to cite 'combat experience' or 'serving on the battlefield' as evidence that women are physically capable of serving in combat branches you absolutely need to differentiate between this type of combat experience and the type of shit that actual Infantry, Armor and SF units are oftentimes required to do.

And I hate to say it, but I DO believe that at this point the physical capabilities argument starts to make more sense. MAJ Blair cites distance running as an indication that the physical gap between men and women is more narrow than what simple upper body strength would seem to indicate. Unfortunately this has little to nothing to do with one's ability to demonstrate endurance while carrying 100 lbs of gear up and down mountains. Nor does it engender confidence in one's ability to fireman's carrying a wounded 200 lb buddy with 100 lbs of shit up and down that same mountain. I'm not saying that no woman can do this, but I'm fairly certain that the 'humping backbreaking amounts of shit around an unforgiving hellscape indefinitely' issue narrows the field down significantly. Or at VERY least far more significantly than all these simplistic little bullshit arguments would lead you to believe.

MAJ Blair poses the question, "If a woman passes the physical requirements, why shouldn't she get the chance to fight?" Sure, that makes sense until you start considering the physical requirements to serve in the Infantry. Once again, these requirements are quantitatively greater than what is required to either a) serve in combat or b) serve in any single job that any woman has ever served in in the military, period. Yes, her first point about women and men doing the same training is also completely ridiculous and misguiding, because IN basic training or officer basic course is a whole different world than the type of training that mixed gender branches/MOS's conduct. So AGAIN if you want to attempt to make this argument, or pose the above question, you need to at least attempt to demonstrate that a woman can pass the physical requirements to hold the position of an 11B or 11A or whatever other Combat Arms job.

That starts with a 12 mile ruck march in kit with weapon and 35 lb ruck in under three hours. And in no uncertain terms, if women want to be Infantry officers, you can rest assured that that is the absolute lightest timed ruck you will ever see in training, if you ever see one that light at all. The last pre-Ranger 12 mile I did was with a 70 lb pack in under three hours. Can a woman do this? Yes. Can a lot of them do it? Probably not. Now I don't know math or science or anything but if you buy the assertion that there is probably a fairly small amount of women who can pass the established standard for the Infantry, and you then subtract from that pool all the people who have no freaken interest in serving in a combat arms branch, I think you're probably down to a fairly small pool of people. And if you really just want to get into it over how many women can pass the physical requirements, consider the fact that passing Ranger School is essentially a requirement of career advancement for an officer in the Infantry branch.... and make no mistake career advancement is what this whole issue is about in the first place. Nobody is arguing that, right? Right?

So I believe you basically are going to be faced with a situation where there are fewer female candidates who can legitimately meet these standards than any proponents are really leading people to believe (probably more than the idiots who just straight up say woman can't do it, but that's whatever). And this may be way off base, but my sense is that if they go through all the butt pain to pass a bill to take these restrictions down SOMEBODY, SOMEWHERE is going to be expecting a certain number of females to actually make it to COL or BG or something like that through the IN, AR, SF career paths (that is the whole freaken point, right????). I see no way in which significant numbers of female soldiers make it through the IN (and I lean on IN because it's all I know) pipeline without just bogarding the standards at some point.

I'm sorry, really, I am sorry, but this is what it is. Furthermore, I absolutely do not buy any load of crap argument that this is primarily about equality of opportunity. Proponents of women in Combat Arms branches will not be satisfied if these branches are opened, the standards are held firm, and a grand total of 20 women make it in across the entire military (and of these 6 make it past CPT). Whatever, I didn't use my math brains for the numbers but you get the point.

And if they are satisfied with that, and that's really how things go down... then we can get into all the issues of unit cohesion, sexual harrassment and whatnot. I'm going to save that little piece for a bit because it's Friday and I have important things to do, but I'll just say this; I've never come across someone who is currently serving in an IN unit or as an 11B/11A who thinks this is a good idea. Not one single person.

Yes, this is just one person's very narrow perspective and thus, could be indicative of nothing at all. But I honestly believe that no one thinks this is a good idea besides outsiders. I know plenty of people from the 11 bang bang community who supported ending DADT before that became reality, but as far as anyone in my realm of the Army is concerned, this is just a bad idea. Has anyone seen an acting platoon sergeant or squad leader weigh in on this issue on any major media outlet? No? Just reservist Majors and a board full of GO's and colonels who've never been Infantry PL's? Has anyone heard input from ANYONE currently serving in a BCT or below on this issue?

More to follow on this, but please feel free to tell me I'm an idiot if you disagree with my IPA fueled rant so far.

This just in: Anyone from Combat Arms who reads the following sentence, "I've seen male Marines who can bench-press 300 pounds but struggle to walk to miles with 50 pounds of gear." and doesn't immediately recognize someone who has no business discussing the physical requirements of the Infantry is doing it wrong. Seriously, what pog-ass wonderland are you living in where you are witnessing someone unable to carry 50 lbs for two miles?

Things You Must Buy After Graduating Ranger

2012-01-28T11:51:00.000-08:00

So I just got to Fort Drum and am ready to begin my life as a real, honest to goodness Army officer. But that doesn't start until Monday so I think it's time for a more asinine post than normal.

As everyone knows, the only real reason anyone wants to graduate Ranger School is to be able to buy ridiculous amounts of Ranger swag and show it off around post. With that in mind, here are the Top 5 things you need to purchase immediately after completing Ranger School. If you are not ready to buy all this stuff and utilize it properly you might as well not graduate, because you are missing the point. In order of urgency...

5) Ranger Bumper Sticker

Believe it or not you might leave Fort Benning someday. You may even venture to places where people don't know that you graduated from Ranger School. In order to ensure that everyone is constantly reminded of the fact that you graduated Ranger School, and are therefor probably better than they are, you need one of these affixed to your POV at all times.

FACT: It is impossible to pick up chicks in the parking lot of Buffalo Wild Wings off Exit 10 without one of these.

4) Ranger Coffee Mug

Sometimes you wake up in the morning and really just don't feel like doing shit. Having one of these as a constant reminder that you are Ranger qualified and thus, awesome, will help you to literally piss excellence every single day. More importantly, you are probably going to have a lot of days when you will get to PT and not want to do anything other than sit around and drink coffee and look awesome. If your mug has a Ranger tab on it nobody can question your blatant laziness.

FACT: You probably also need a Ranger beer mug, because after Ranger School you're not going to be able to drink more than a couple beers before passing out in a pool of your own vomit. At least if the mug you're drinking out of has a tab, nobody can make fun of you.

3) Surviving the Cut on DVD

Yeah, I get that nobody actually buys this because it's basically free on the interwebs, but never mind that now. Watching Surviving the Cut is the #1 favorite activity for recent Ranger grads behind getting wasted and passing out awkwardly at a bar downtown.

FACT: Laughing at how miserable the guys on Surviving the Cut are, despite the fact that most of them graduated years before you did, is the best.

2) Ranger T Shirt

Sometimes you have to take your ACUs off. At that point people may mistake you for someone who hasn't graduated Ranger School. As long as you have at least four or five of these, you can pretty easily remedy this situation by simply rocking one whenever you're not in uniform. Particularly at bars where you intend to pick up random women and start fights.

FACT: You cannot be arrested for any alcohol related offense while wearing one of these.

1) Ranger Panties

Everyone knows that once you graduate Ranger School it is absolutely foolish to wear normal shorts to the gym ever again. Being able to flash your junk around Smith Gym is at least 90% of the reason anyone wants a tab in the first place. Plus, nothing let's everyone know that you just graduated Ranger School than slapping on a pair of these bad boys, running a 8:30 mile on the treadmill and spending the rest of your workout standing around and complaining how much your body hurts.

FACT: It is impossible to pick up chicks at an on post gym without these.

DISCLAIMER: Don't ever try to pick up chicks at an on post gym.

PCSing to Hoth

2012-01-23T17:07:00.000-08:00

So after a year of face meltingly awesome times at Fort Benning, it's time to close that chapter of my life and summarily flush the memory of it down the mental toilet.

It's PCS time mother f*ckers!

That's right, whereas I just packed all of my earthly belongings into a four door sedan while wearing my ACU undershirt and gym shorts, I am proceeding to the Spine of the World, (aka Fort Drum, NY) where I can only assume the sub-arctic conditions have already blotted out all signs of life from anywhere within 50 miles of post.

I literally have no idea what I am in for, but I dropped pretty much all my money into a four wheel drive vehicle, so that's about as prepared as I think I can be for the barren hellscape I am about to encounter.

In other news, the first of the Hoya BN class of 2011 IN 2LTs made it down to Benning and started IBOLC last week. So I pretty much suck for still being here.

But the Patriots are in the Super Bowl, so all is right in the world. Here's to really pissing off some Giants fans in the next couple of weeks.

Fort Drum in winter = ultimate sadness

Que the Duck Boats

2011-12-09T15:24:00.000-08:00

For anyone who isn't already aware through other channels, I finally made it through Ranger.

Graduation took place earlier this morning so I've obviously begun follow on operations to reconquer the art of consuming whiskey and beer. We are expecting to take heavy losses on this one, but we will readily display the intestinal fortitude required to at least attempt to consume celebratory alcohol.

In that vane I'll delay further posting on the subject of Ranger School for a few days until everything settles down and I regain my senses.

Ranger that.

Ranger Notes Darby

2011-09-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the hiatus.

I'd love to say that I was off doing very important things but even attempting to lie about that would be ridiculous. Since the normal pre-Ranger Platoon in HHC is currently constituted by nothing but prior heat injuries, people on profile and other such alibi type individuals, it has been stripped of its previous function of preparing people for Ranger and has become nothing more than a repository of warm bodies for asinine details.

Not that I am unfamiliar with this, since this was reality when I was in the 'waiting on schools that aren't Ranger' Platoon, but it is unfortunate that my time is still occupied by attempting to fly under the radar long enough to not end up as OPFOR for weeks at a time.

So far so good, aside from two days spent as an empty uniform filling a seat at the Fort Benning Maneuver Conference. When there are something like 41 General Officers convening to discuss Army/Corps/Division/Brigade level training concepts there isn't too much active participation going on from the HUNDREDS of 2LTs who are being forced to be there (not to mention the fact that hundreds more ALC/MCCC students were forcibly bused there to mill about in complete exasperation). But it was a packed house, so that's what's important.

Anyways, before I black out and go on a rant about the Blended Training Model and CLGV (we have no more money, video games are where it's at for training), let's talk about Darby Phase.

For me Darby Phase kicked off when we got off the bus at some unknown time after the 12 miler and basically collapsed into something vaguely resembling an Army type formation and passed the fuck out. We were then woken up by the RIs and put into a better looking Army formation box so that we could be organized into our SQDs.

The composition of your SQD is going to dictate a lot of your individual experience in Darby as well as the role you are going to have to play within it. My SQD was almost all 2LTs, which seems to be pretty abnormal, but the result was an almost collectivist mentality with relatively little alpha dog antics going down. If you get a SQD that is more heavy on NCOs or Ranger Regiment guys, you might have to play things a bit less passively and actively assert yourself as a useful contributing member of the team (think demonstrating that you are shit hot at OPORDs). You'll figure it out when you get on the ground and see what your SQD is like. There is no way at all to game this other than to ensure that you bring something to the table that can be useful to a SQD regardless of who is in it.. Or if you are functionally useless at everything just insist on carrying the AG equipment everywhere, all the time.. that might work too.

From there we moved out smartly to go learn how to prepare and utilize demolitions, even though the RIs absolutely never trusted us to actually do this on the lanes. Upon returning from that we got assigned our SQD recycles. Your recycles will likely be the life blood of your SQD as they will be the ones, regardless of their inherent capabilities, who at least know exactly how shit rolls at Darby. While everyone else is busy being tired and sad and failing to sit there and meticulously take notes on EXACTLY how the RIs want everything done, the recycles should already know this and be able to square the SQD away on how to do OPORDS, mission prep, rehearsals, etc. You would do well to get in good with any or all of the squared away recycles in your SQD and just bounce all your questions off of them to ensure that you are on point with how you are trying to do stuff.

I guess the flip side of this is that you shouldn't look at recycling in Darby as an end of the world scenario. Darby actually seemed to go by VERY quickly to me, especially compared to the glacial tempo of RAP Week. A lot of the stress and discomfort associated with Darby was simply adjusting to how the RIs wanted things done and getting used to the general flow of how planning and missions went down. If you recycle you'll have already seen everything once so this will not be as big of a factor. Also, since recycles are generally some of the most useful people in the SQD they generally don't have to worry about getting peered out unless they are just an epic bag of ass in general. When I was in the recycle PLT for a night after getting med dropped for the heat injury I would have killed a man, in front of his own mother, for a Darby recycle. So when you mentally prepare to go to Ranger School, don't frame recycling as a failure... that's how people end up quitting.

OK, so moving on. The only other major muscle movement I can remember from the first day on the ground at Darby was the Darby Queen.

Holy fuck the Darby Queen... WOOF. Let's just say this, drink a lot of water before you do the Darby Queen. I say this because a) the course is quite long (or at least it seems that way) and pretty taxing, b) you don't take ANY water source with you on the course, c) there is only one water point about halfway through the course at which I think I got maybe one mouthful of warm water before an RI drop kicked me in the soul and told me to move out. Depending on which Company you are in, you will either be doing it in the late morning, or early to mid afternoon. If you are attending Ranger in the summer it's going to be radioactively hot, and people are going to be biting it as heat injuries like it's going out of style.

Try to get with one of those annoying, over the top motivated guys who like to yell a lot as your Ranger buddy for this event. The more pointless false motivation you spew all over the place the less extra curricular smokings will befall the two of you in between the obstacles. Other than the fact that you are going to be doing all sorts of creatively destructive things to your body while you are waiting to get on obstacles, it's really just the standard obstacle course that you've already done in a dozen different places. The RIs will yell a bunch and make you do obstacles over again, or run back to the start and sprint back etc. etc., but if you are preemptively falsely motivating the shit out of them they will leave you alone. You might even get a positive spot report out of it...

I guess I should also mention that you get a score card and each obstacle that you cannot perform to the RIs satisfaction will earn you a NO GO for that particular obstacle. I can't recall if each NO GO is a minor minus or if you get like three per minor minus, but it's something to that effect. I'd suggest just ninjaing your way over everything like a boss.

Seriously though, if you go in summer you really need to drink a bunch of water before this event. I went down as a heat injury later on and I can say with 100% certainty that I was significantly worse off after finishing Darby Queen than when I was actually taken off a lane. If any RI or medic had seen the condition I was in after finishing I probably would have been done right there. Just take care of yourselves.

I'm probably forgetting something significant that takes place after completing the Darby Queen (if so please remind me in comments or on Buzz or whatever), but I think it's probably just some patrolling classes and I plan to cover that later.

Ranger Notes Day 3

2011-08-29T17:18:00.000-07:00

Well it looks like I am actually going to conquer IMLC. Now time to devise the next devilishly ridiculous plan to stay at Fort Benning while avoiding running soul crushing details for HHC.

Since I really have nothing else terribly interesting to talk about, why not get back to Ranger School?

Before I get into Day 3, I figured I would share this response to the last post from another Ranger School candidate:

"You can literally fail everything on Malvesti and Ranger Stakes and still do the ruck march. Just keep that in mind.

RAP Week is about push ups, a five mile run, and land nav. That cuts out about 50% of every class. Everything else is obnoxious, insanely painful, annoying filler that gives you an opportunity to either go unnoticed, get some kudos, or start out with a strike against you.

Everything you said is right, but it's important that no one gets obsessed with calling for ARTY or climbing a rope. Do push ups and work on land nav and running and you will go to Darby. Period."

This is pretty much true. I'm not trying to intimidate anyone by getting a bit into the weeds of RAP Week. I just want to put the information out there so people can know what to expect, and perhaps if they are already squared away in the major areas, can improve other things to make RAP as painless as possible. But yes, if you can do good push ups, pass Land Nav, and can do the 5 mile in under 40 minutes, you will almost definitely pass RAP.

Day 3 (hopefully not Land Nav retest, CIF, ruck march, getting stuck in the butt with a needle)

As mentioned previously, Day 3 will be another really early morning if you didn't manage to pass Land Nav on the first go around. People make a huge deal about this as if you are a dead man walking if you are forced to re-test Land Nav, but I knew quite a few people who had to re-test and still managed to finish the ruck march and go on to Darby. I wouldn't say it's good to be in this position, but if you are a moderately strong rucker, you'll be fine. In my case I simply failed Land Nav twice... wah wah.

Pretty much all I can remember doing on Day 3 on my second go through Ranger was waking up, going to chow, getting issued weapons and going to CIF (Central Issue Facility). It currently escapes me whether or not weapons or CIF came first, but it really doesn't matter. If you pass Land Nav, you are pretty much straight chillin' until the ruck march. That is especially true if you are an IBOLC grad, because you will already have all of your name tapes/cat eyes etc. sewed onto all your equipment. You will also have 95% of what you need from CIF already as it is given to you at IBOLC, so you really just end up sitting around all day and help other people to sew their stuff on or finding other ways of making yourself useful (or not). That having been said, if some insane moron tells you that you have to sterilize your IBOLC ruck/assault pack etc. and take the name tapes off, slap them. This is only going to cost you needless hours of sewing while you are at Ranger.

Literally the rest of the day is spent on the rocks either a) tying your shit down b) sewing your shit on c) making sure your packing list is squared away for the ruck march. If you don't already know how to tie a bowline knot, it would be helpful to learn before going to Ranger (I'm not going to link to anything because I find anything on the internet dealing with knots to be ridiculously hard to follow). I would also strongly suggest getting together with a few other people and conducting a final inspection of your packing list before the ruck march. You will be amazed how many people forget to pack something for this, and you might catch yourself before you royally step on your crank.

A few points about the ruck march itself:

As of right now, it is the standard 12 mile release ruck in under 3 hours. Apparently they want to transition back to the old 16 mile formation ruck, but haven't been able to due to construction around the Harmony Church area. If you get the 12 miler, you will most likely be fine if you are an IBOLC grad. The IBOLC ruck program will square you away, even if you weren't great at it when you got there. Also, for all its faults, IBOLC HHC does a good job to ensure that you don't lose your ability to ruck prior to Ranger starting (you will likely have to complete at least one diagnostic 12 miler at HHC to even be allowed to go to Ranger). If you aren't an IBOLC grad.... uhm... ruck a lot? I guess...

I'm not exactly sure what the weight of the pack was. From what I heard, and what it felt like to me, I'd estimate 50lbs. We were doing 50lbs in HHC to simulate the weight, so this is probably a pretty fair estimate. That having been said, at least in the summer, the majority of that weight is going to be in your water sources. When I first packed my ruck prior to topping off water I almost laughed myself silly at how light it was. Given this situation you will probably see people dumping their 2 QT canteens early on in the march. I honestly don't recall there being any explicit stipulations against doing this, but I can't imagine things would end well for you if you were caught doing it. Even if it's not a violation of a standard of the march, they can likely nail you for a safety violation for purposefully losing half your water. I wouldn't recommend doing this unless you are ridiculously desperate for some reason.

The ruck course itself is pretty manageable. There are definitely some hills, but nothing you should be too worried about if you are in halfway decent shape for rucking.

The thing that gets the most people on this is the inspection after the ruck. As soon as you are finished you will be herded over to your CO's area. Depending on when you finish you will either sit there for like half an hour, or immediately have to begin dumping all your crap. From what I saw, if you are missing anything.. literally anything from the packing list you are going home. We must have lost at least 6-7 people from this because they simply did not take the time to double check their stuff, or do a PCI with a buddy before the ruck. I just have to say that this is the most insanely idiotic way to get dropped from Ranger. If you've made it to the ruck march, you have everything you need, just put it in the damn bag. You are going to walk 12 miles either way, might as well get credit for it.

After the ruck you will be tired and sad and the last thing you will want will be to get stabbed in the buttocks with a big needle. But since it's Ranger School and they somehow always know exactly what you don't want to have happen, that is what is next. You get two nice big shots of penicillin and some other junk right in your butt and you'll probably be feeling it for the next 2-3 days afterwards. Joy.

You will then be put on a bus, at which point you will likely immediately pass out, only to regain consciousness in the magical land of Camp Darby. In our case we literally un-assed ourselves from the bus, got in formation, and the RI's told us to pass out again until they woke us up.

Thus ends RAP Week.

Ranger Notes Day 2

2011-08-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the short hiatus from Ranger related posting, I've been busy keeping my head above water at MLC. Numbers and math and crap necessitate a break for my brain.

Picking up where we left off last time leads us into my personal favorite day of RAP Week.

Day 2: Land Navigation, Ranger Stakes, 2.1 mile buddy run/Malvesti Obstacle Course

Day 2 begins at some ungodly hour in the morning. If I remember correctly it was a 0115 wake up both times I did it and we were up till around 2400 the night prior both times as well. So depending on whether or not you are unlucky enough to be pulling a fire guard shift that night you are probably getting around an hour of sleep prior to executing the land navigation course.

Based on your own individual proficiency at land navigation and the lane strip you happen to receive, I would say the course itself can probably be considered somewhere between challenging and pretty damn difficult. I've heard a few people say that they thought the course was easy, but there are also some people out there who just have never, and probably will never be challenged by land nav. If that's you then you really don't need to read this anyways, do you?

My biggest word of advice to anyone who doesn't definitively fall into that category would be prepare to attack the course vigorously from beginning to end. That is to say, run the course at the fastest sustainable rate possible until you are all but assured to pass. I did the course a grand total of three times (twice because I failed the first time and had to retest, and then once when I went back) and I never received a lane strip that I could have passed without running a good deal of the course. This may sound like common sense (or an admission on my part to sucking ass at land nav) to land nav veterans, but I had also never failed a land nav test nor had I ever had to run a course to pass in my entire life, so I know there are others out there who are fairly accustomed to walking and still being successful.

The course consists of five points, of which you must find four in four hours in order to pass. The course begins at 0330 and finishes at 0730. This presented a bit of a wrinkle to me because it at first appears to be a 'Day/Night Land Nav' course (ie one that starts out dark and then gets light later on). However, I would suggest treating this primarily as a pure night land navigation course. I say this because, depending on what time of year you go, you have very very little usable time during daylight. I can't remember exactly what time it began to get light during the summer, but it seemed to hold true that if you didn't have three points by day light you were going to be in some trouble. Obviously this isn't always going to be the case, but I would suggest giving yourself at least 30-45 minutes at the tail end purely to get from wherever you finish back to the start point. If you buy that logic it leaves you with less than an hour of actual day light to move to and find points so you figure it out from there. I've heard of the strategy to simply wait until daylight to find the majority of your points but I can say with complete confidence that this will not work unless you somehow get the magic candy land lane strip that is about two orders of magnitude less difficult than anything I've even heard of existing.

Some other random points about Land Navigation:

1) You ARE allowed to use roads. They are well defined and MOST are clearly marked on the map.

2) The vegetation sucks during the summer and visibility will be very low until sunrise (let's say 0630-0645 or so). You CANNOT use ANY light to find points. You can only use red lens while stationary and on a knee to check your map or plot points. There will be RIs roving around in the woods to catch you cheating at this and you will be booted if caught. Almost all of the points will have some sort of micro trail or ATV path that the RIs use to get from the road to the points to put up plackards etc., but they are very difficult to spot at night if you don't know where they are. The take away is that you should probably be fairly confident in your ability to dead reckon in darkness from an attack point on the road to your point, or from point to point (I'd say anywhere from 200m to 700m is a reasonable distance to be dead reckoning on this course).

3) There are times where dead reckoning straight from point to point (rather than constantly using trails to get attack points for every point) is probably a good idea, and maybe even completely necessary to save time depending on your lane. When you get your map and start planning how you want to attack your points seriously consider ways that you can save time by NOT returning to the trails and relying on them as your sole means of getting around the map. As an aside, the infamous swamp in the middle of the map CAN be dead reckoned through (I went straight across it 500m and it took exactly 35 minutes) but it is unpleasant as fuck.

4) You absolutely MUST be 100% correct in your initial plotting of your points. This is how I screwed myself on the first try. I plotted a point incorrectly and wasted an hour looking for something that didn't exist. You cannot afford to waste this much time given the difficulty of the course. You are far better off taking an extra five to ten minutes to go slow and make sure everything is good to go before moving out. Once again, you will be operating on very little sleep and probably fairly stressed so just be cognizant of the fact that you are more likely than normal to make a mistake here.

5) You get a Major Plus for finding 5/5 points. I didn't hear of anyone doing this, but I assume it must be possible. From what I saw it seemed as though you will generally have four that you can plot a decent plan of attack to get, and one outlier that will just laugh it's ass off at you if you even think about getting it. For people who aren't total land nav studs, this generally means that you HAVE to find all four of the points that you actually plan to go for. Unless your lane varies drastically from the three I had, there isn't much room for getting to the general area of your point and then giving up to go find a different one instead. So to reiterate #4, make a good plan of attack and ensure it is accurate and feasible within the time limit.

I'll stop there on rambling about land navigation because I feel like I could go on for days about it. There may be more to follow on that but for now, let's move on.

Ranger Stakes:

I mentioned earlier that this event might be the easiest way for you to earn a Major Plus in all of Ranger School. That's assuming your company is giving out a Major Plus for this event, but either way you should know how to do everything.

Essentially the event is a test of your ability to complete Ranger Common Tasks. The complete list of these is as follows:
1. Maintain a M240B MG (assembling and disassembling)
2. Maintain a M249 MG (assembling and disassembling)
3. Load, Fire, Reduce Stoppage, unload, and clear a M240B MG
4. Load, Fire, Reduce Stoppage, unload, and clear a M249 MG
5. Prepare a Range Card, M240B MG
6. Employ an M18A1 Claymore mine
7. Place into operation and troubleshoot AN/PRC-119/119A Radio
8. Send a Radio Message
9. Use night vision devices AN/PVS 7’s, 14’s
10. Call for and Adjust Fire
11. Camouflage yourself and your individual equipment
12. Navigate from one point on the ground to another point while dismounted
13. Determine grid coordinates of a point on a military map
14. Determine a magnetic azimuth using a lensatic compass
15. Determine the elevation of a point on the ground using a map
16. Determine a location on the ground by Terrain association
17. Measure distance on a map
18. Convert azimuths
19. Determine azimuth using a protractor
20. Orient a map using a lensatic compass
21. Orient a map to the ground by map-terrain association
22. Locate an unknown point on a map and on the ground by intersection
23. Locate an unknown point on a map and on the ground by resection
24. Practice preventive medicine
25. Prepare an M136 launcher for firing
26. Operate a AN/PSN-11 (PLGR)
27. Operate an ANCD
In the two times that I completed this event the tasks covered were exactly the same. We didn't get tested on all 27, but rather did numbers 1-4, and 6-8. I'm not going to go step by step into each of these tasks, but there are ample resources online and at your units that should allow you to memorize how to do this if you don't already know. I also can't speak to the likelihood of your class getting these exact tasks as opposed to others, but from what I saw it seemed like these were the go to ones.

The test consists simply of the RI telling you the task, conditions and standards (what you have to do for a 'Go' and how much time you have) for each event and you doing it. If you get all seven (or how ever many there are for your company) correct on the first try you should get a Major Plus. Every time you fail an event you will likely get a Minor Minus. I think you get three tries at every event so if you are completely clueless on this you could potentially earn yourself a veritable shitload of Minuses. Please don't do that.

Malvesti/Buddy Run

After Ranger Stakes takes up literally the entire day (how? I really don't know) you will be paired up with a random buddy to execute a 2.1 mile run. This run is really no big deal. The course is marginally hilly and you run in uniform with your Camelbak and weapon (in summer you don't wear your blouse), but the only reason I saw anyone struggle with this was because of the heat. If you are going in summer take steps to heat acclimate. The only other possible issue would be being unlucky enough to have a very slow/dying buddy in which case I guess you would just have to carry him.... The standards are 16 minutes to get a Major Plus (I didn't see anyone do this either time) and 20 minutes or over got a Major Minus.

As soon as you are done with the 2 mile run you will likely be given a few minutes to cool down (definitely at least five or so minutes in the summer) before launching right into Malvesti. Malvesti isn't really a full on obstacle course like people are probably used to from basic or LDAC or whatever else. Lengthwise it's pretty damn short. The fly in the ointment is that you are getting fairly decently smoked in between every obstacle and there is nasty water all the fuck over the place. I actually thought Malvesti was pretty fun but it is definitely physically draining.

If you struggle with pull ups, rope climbs, or monkey bars you need to work on these beforehand. The three graded obstacles on the course are the rope climb, monkey bars and the giant vertical ladder. You get three attempts to successfully navigate each one, but really if you don't get it on the first time your pretty much boned. If you can't successfully complete an obstacle you will get a Minor Minus meaning if you fail all three you will get a Major Minus. When preparing give yourself some leeway on your rope climbs and monkey bars because a) you will do pull ups before performing both b) you will be winded before and during both. Again, if you can barely complete these under ideal circumstances, work on it.

Somewhere in between the various obstacles you will low crawl through some putrid water and you'll be very sad or falsely motivated or whatever and then you will pretty much do pull ups until muscle failure and be done. You will then go rinse off under some sprinklers which will clean approximately 0 of the mud off of your uniform and boots. If you aren't in Bravo Company you will then likely head back to the barracks to shower, hang up your intensely dirty shit outside, and go to bed. If you are in Bravo Company you will likely hang your dirty shit outside and go to bed.

And that's pretty much that. Hopefully you have passed land navigation that morning. If that's the case you are potentially in for a halfway decent amount of sleep. Depending on whether your company was first, second or third in the order to complete Malvesti you will be finished with it between around 1900-2100 and in bed sometime relative to that (2200-2400 seems about right). I think wake up for the people who passed land navigation was at around 0500. If you failed you are waking up, once again, at 0115 to do it all over again.

Again, I'm sure I have left a few things out, particularly with regard to my nemesis, land navigation, so feel free to get at me with any specific questions.

For now, I will get back to learning how to use a mortar fire control system developed in 1986.

Word.

Ranger Notes Day 1

2011-08-07T18:07:00.000-07:00

Continuing with RAP Week awesomeness, we'll do Day 1 today.

Day 1 (RPFT, Water Confidence Course, Combatives)

Alright, so we've made it past Day 0 and now Ranger School apparently starts for real.

You will spend the night prior in the Camp Rogers barracks, probably going to bed around 2400 and waking up sometime around 0300. At this point you will walk over to the RPFT area and begin to receive your brief on the standards for the test.

Prior to the brief you will wander over to a milk crate and grab a piece of fruit to eat while you are listening to how to not fail the RPFT. You will probably hear a bunch of crap on how it is an awesome idea to just eat the entire piece of fruit, core and all, so you don't have to run over to the wood line to throw it out. The idea being that you will save time and be able to run straight over to the lines for push ups and be first in line (or at least not last).

Don't get too wrapped around the axle on this point. It's like 0300 am and I generally don't eat anything prior to early PT anyways so I just didn't bother with the fruit at all, but even if you want it don't think that it's going to screw you if it means you aren't the first one in line. You will hear the conspiracy theories about the RIs having quotas to meet and people just being 'admin failures' if they are beyond a certain place in line. My thought is that this is simply an excuse for people who failed. All I can say definitively is that I was absolutely dead last in my line and I didn't get a single push up counted against me. Just do them right and you will more than likely be fine.

After push ups you will more than likely be good to go on sit ups and pull ups. You do have to do six absolute dead hang pull ups (apparently some RIs will stand very close to you and you can't touch them) so if this is an issue, fix it. You'll then move on to the 5 mile run. If you are an IBOLC grad you will likely get a chance to run the Ranger 5 mile course at some point during IBOLC or HHC. If not, just be prepared for a course that has a significant amount of hills. The course definitely sucks and will probably add maybe a minute or two to your 5 mile time on a flat surface. If you are running like a 39 minute 5 mile on a flat surface make sure you are focusing on this before hand (the standard is 40 minutes).

Both times I went through Major Pluses were given out for any time under 32 minutes. My advice would be to grab this if you know it is within your ability to do so (this is easy money for people who are good runners). If that's going to be a real stretch for you, you might be better off just cruising in at a comfortable 36-38 minutes. Saving strength in your legs wherever possible is a good thing during RAP week, and you also don't want to come in in 31 minutes, looking like total shit because you are about to keel over with heat stroke. There will be medics at the end (and at various points throughout the course) and people inevitably get nabbed as heat injuries here. If it's hot when you do this and you are feeling like crap at the end, just avoid the medics and do your best to look like you're good to go. This might sound like stupid advice but this does get a lot of people during the summer. You are given a good solid 10-20 minutes to walk around, drink water, and recover after the event is over so take advantage of this as well.

Your next event for the day will be the Water Confidence Course. You will form up and walk (or if you are in B CO you will run and it will be sad) down to Victory Pond. Anyone who has been through ROTC and LDAC has pretty much already done this exact course once before. For those who have not, it is basically walking across a beam suspended across the pond, over a little step and then onto a rope that you use to shimmy out to the Ranger Tab, hit the tab, and then drop into the lake. I don't know how far the drop was exactly, maybe a tad higher than the one at LDAC, but nothing too bad. After you do this you'll run over to the slide for life and execute that, followed by an equipment ditch event where you simply get punted into the water wearing and FLC and you have to get it off you before you drown (it's not that dramatic at all).

There's really not too much to say about this event. Make sure you are paying attention to what the RIs are telling you to do in terms of executing the tasks safely. If you do some weird ninja dismount off the slide for life you might be in for a negative spot report or safety violation. For LDAC vets, the beam you walk across is both larger and more sturdy than that piece of crap one they have at Fort Lewis, so that is good (although it is higher). After everyone is done with this you will walk (or run...) back to your rocks.

A note on the rocks, you will spend an inordinate amount of time on these rocks just waiting around until whatever your next hard time/task is. This time is generally filled with random crap like reading your Ranger hand book or complaining about how hot it is. This waiting around time is probably what makes RAP Week seem like it's a month long. I include this to dispel the notion that you will be constantly engaged during this time. I would suggest that you come up with some way to keep yourself mentally engaged during this time so that you don't go mad with boredom/anticipation (I just jotted down notes such as these in a notebook). I wouldn't suggest trying to keep a countdown calendar during RAP Week because it's going to be pretty depressing at that stage in the game.

Since we are talking about the time game, I'd say the best way to describe time at Ranger School is that every individual moment, minute, hour etc. seems like an eternity, but if you disengage from that you will be surprised at how fast time progresses. Granted I only made it through Darby, but I was shocked after our Airborne jump to find out we only had four patrols left. The best strategy seems to be to focus not on the week or even day you are on, but instead focus intently on the next task in front of you. I'm sure you'll probably hear that one again as you get closer.

O.K., back to Day 1...

The only other real event you do on Day 1 is some incredibly contrived Combatives session. This was one of the more bizarre events in Ranger. I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a source of motivation, a smoke session, or an actual instruction on combatives. You'll basically run around the circular combatives pit getting soaked with a water hose until they tell you to stop and then an RI will teach you the same Level 1 Combatives crap that you've learned a million times previously. You will then execute a bunch of clenches and crap with a buddy.

Just don't manage to injure yourself here. I got the distinct feeling that 99.9% of the students were shamming and I can see no real reason why you shouldn't be doing the same. This crap lasted for like 2-3 hours or something so just try to stay motivated and go through the motions and life will be good.

After that's finished your CO will likely figure out something for you to do to keep you up. In C CO it was going over some random tactics stuff that would supposedly benefit us in Darby, but really everyone was too tired to listen anyways. I don't remember what we did in B CO, but some sort of smoke session would probably be a decent bet. Either way, you'll be back in the barracks for turn in around 2300-2400 (maybe earlier, but that was my experience both times) and preparing for a sweet 0115 wake up for Land Navigation the next day.

And that's pretty much it for Day 1. As you can see, you can't expect a ton of sleep in Darby. However, you will likely eat three decent meals a day. Breakfast and dinner will likely be in the chow hall, with lunch coming in delicious MRE form. If you are wondering what you are learning the Ranger Creed for (besides the fact that you want to be a Ranger), it is because any time you are entering the chow hall six individuals have to get in front of your formation and recite it. The first time will likely be six dudes from Ranger Regiment who know this cold and it will sound freaking amazing and everyone will be super motivated. Then the RI will likely instruct six IBOLC guys to come do it, or pick out the six most clueless looking people. This one will go about 100 times worse and you will get smoked for it. Generally the RIs will come up with X amount of push ups or flutter kicks (hopefully not laps around the chow hall) for each mistake made in the Creed, so it's generally good not to be the dude who causes the company to do 200 push ups after chow.

So that's Day 1 in a nutshell. If I'm forgetting anything I will try to add it on to a subsequent post.

Back to the MLC grind tomorrow. Plotting boards, hooah.

Ranger Notes Day 0

2011-08-05T12:04:00.000-07:00

Pretty much as soon as I reread my last post I felt guilty.

In an organization that might have more individuals facing physical, emotional or psychological trauma in their lives than any other, it really makes no sense to publicly bitch and moan about a personal setback like I experienced. A friend reminded me that, after all, I am still in the pipeline for Ranger, and after I snuck into the Mortar Leader Course by the skin of my teeth, that is still true. So it's time to cut the crap and be happy about spending an entire year at Fort Benning.

Anyhoo...

I've had a few people ask me about my experience with RAP and Darby, so I am going to try to devote a little time to putting some stuff out there that will hopefully be useful to people who are planning to hit up that course. I'll keep in short installments because I hear that that is a good way to do blog posts, and chronological because I hear that that is a useful way of organizing information.

Day 0: (Showing up, sitting around doing nothing, packing list inspection)

Your first day you will show up between around 1000 and 1400 (possibly earlier if your home station is fucking you and requiring you to get there at some absurd time). You will sit around and be very apprehensive and confused because you will see RI's roaming around but they won't be yelling at you. At some point you will take your Ranger physical to the medics and they will half assedly scour it for whatever it is that determines you cannot do the course. If you are coming from IBOLC 1-2 dudes from your CO will inevitibly get booted for some asinine medical thing during the review of their paperwork.

This brings up an important point (at least for IBOLC people). Make sure your medical shit is squared away like a week in advance. DO NOT rely on IBOLC HHC to get this right. Even though they appear to have an NCO dedicated to this task, it always gets fouled up. Around half of the LTs going had to sprint to the TMC the Friday prior to get a bunch of vaccines because HHC simply did not give enough of a fuck to let us know we needed to. We still had three guys (that I know of) get dropped because their stuff wasn't straight (two of which could have gotten it fixed prior had they known it was an issue). You get the point..

Next you will sit around with all the other dudes that you are being sent to Ranger with (IBOLC, pre-Ranger, Ranger Reg, ABOLC/random other dudes). If you are from IBOLC some of you will be trying to learn the Ranger Creed at this last possible second. Don't be a tool, learn this before hand, you might have to recite it before chow. Speaking of chow, definitely eat a decent breakfast that morning, and bring some protein bars or something to eat once you get there as you will not be eating lunch at Ranger School regardless of what time you get there. I wouldn't flaunt the fact that you are eating a Power Bar or something in front of an RI while you are waiting around, but most of the people there did bring something to eat so they weren't going hungry until dinner.

At around 1400 or so you will begin to get broken down into one of the three COs. On this point make a note that the cadre during RAP and Darby are always the same (ie: they do not come to Mountains with you, their job is RAP and Darby), thus the RAP/Darby COs are always the same. If you read my last post you know that I did RAP twice. I did try #1 with Charlie Company and try #2 with Bravo Company and the cadre were the same for each company both times.

About the companies. It is a widely held opinion that B CO is the monster of the three. I won't speak in definite terms, but in my experience this was pretty much true. The difference between C CO and B CO was very distinct from the get go. RAP in B CO was definitely more stressful and more akin to what I assumed Ranger was going to be like before getting there (getting screamed at/smoked constantly). C CO was actually pretty chill, and everyone I talked to said the same for A CO. Essentially talking to other recycles and med holds, etc. everyone agreed that A CO was the best one to get into.

I was hesitant to bring up the difference in the companies, because it is almost entirely out of your hands which one you get in to. The only way to game it that I see possible would be (assuming you are coming from IBOLC, otherwise I have no idea..) get there as early as possible and position yourself so that you can be the first one standing on the far right side (preferably as close to the 1SL position as possible) when they call all the IBOLC students out to formation. I say this because both times I did this they simply took the 1SL and the nine guys directly in back of him and those were the first ten people put in A CO. After that there was no rhyme or reason to how the companies were assigned, as they just take chunks of people ten at a time and throw them into the companies until they are full. If all else fails position yourself with your buddies adjacent to you and hope for the best.

Again, there's not much you can do about it, but there also isn't that much to talk about on Day 0 so there it is. If you get into B CO, life is gonna be OK. It's just going to involve more flutter kicks and less self esteem. And who knows, by the time you get there maybe some of the cadre will have PCS'd elsewhere.

Next you will lug all your stuff over to your company's rocks (a big covered gravel pit where you will spend 80% of your time during RAP either doing nothing, or if you are in B CO, getting smoked) to have your inspection. My inspection in Charlie was a joke. People missing stuff off of the highlighted part of the packing list (stuff like your freaking uniforms that you shouldn't be forgetting) got Major Minus spot reports, other stuff missing either got Minor Minuses or they were told they could pick it up at the little mini PX afterwards.

B CO was Major Minus Central, population: everyone in the company. If you were missing anything at all if was a Major Minus. If you couldn't dump your shit out in 2 minutes, including out of any pre-packed plastic baggies: Major Minus. If you failed to stop moving or kneel when they said so: Major Minus. If you didn't have a highlighted item you were dropped from the course immediately. A bunch of guys had the Garmont boots that are becoming really popular, but the B CO 1SGT decided to wage jihad against these and they were deemed unauthorized (so either people had two more authorized summer boots or they were dropped). On this note, make sure your boots are at least 8 inches high, as this was the sticking points on the Garmonts (they were fine in the other two COs though..).

Some advice for the inspection/layout/packing list.

1) Boots - I've heard some misinformation about non-issue boots (Nike, Rocky, Oakley etc.) being unauthorized. The Garmonts are the only boots I saw anyone have an issue with. Literally everyone there seemed to have some sort of ultra light boot. I think you would benefit greatly from having at least one pair of light boots that dry out quick (your boots will be wet constantly). I have the Rocky C4 Trainers and these worked out really well, but it's all up to personal preference. I would also bring a pair of boots that you don't really mind a) getting trashed to a greater extent than normal, and b) potentially not using for the latter half of RAP week and the early part of Darby, because whatever boots you wear during the Malvesti obstacle course are gonna get destroyed. I brought an old ratty pair of Altimas and literally threw them out after Malvesti because they were so bad and I didn't want to carry them around anymore. You don't have to throw these boots out, but just keep in mind that it might take a few days for them to be wearable again, so don't wear your go to boots during this event.

2) Cross loading with your Ranger buddy - Don't do this. You will be compelled to help out your buddy next to you and give him your extra shit if he is missing it. I gave one dude a poly pro top and one dude a frame to a pair of Revision glasses. This was ultimately around $90 worth of stuff and both of these guys failed out of RAP week and I never saw them again. If you are from BOLC you are most likely going to be spending well over $1,000 (yeah, get yourself financially ready for that if need be) on shit for this packing list, not including stuff you buy on 8 hour pass to refit between Darby and Mountains (or if you are like me stuff you buy on subsequent trips back to Ranger after epic fails). I lost track but I think I spent around $1,400 and it's the little stuff that adds up quick. It might sound like a dickhead move, but just keep quiet if you have extra stuff. Obviously if the dude is actually your bro and is potentially getting kicked out right then and there for it, you should probably help him out.

By the way, you are probably going to need that extra stuff yourself at some point because stuff gets lost, broken or stolen. You should definitely have extra cheap versions of headlamps, eye protection, gloves, etc. as well as things like map markers, 550 chord, beanie caps or really anything else you can think of that could potentially disappear and leave you sad during the post-12mile ruck inspection (more on this later).

3) Zipper Duffels - These things are super sweet. They are essentially duffel bags that instead of being top loading like the Army issue A Bags, have a zipper lengthwise. These proved invaluable in that they allow you to get to your stuff quickly no matter where it is in the bag without having to dump crap out and repack it. They are also distinct in appearance from an A Bag so they are easy to find whenever you need to quickly pick your bags out amongst around 300-400 other largely identical bags. They are available at Commandos near Fort Benning for around $18-30 dollars a piece depending on the size you want (if I remember correctly the smallest one was about as big as a normal A Bag), and are well worth it. There was a lot of discussion on whether these were going to be authorized, but they passed muster in both C CO and the 3rd Reich of B CO. If you want to hedge your bets you can always stuff two empty A Bags down the bottom and then you are good to go if a 1SGT decides to black list them. On that note, you should definitely bring a third duffel bag to fit whatever TA 50 doesn't end up on your patrolling packing list as it will be very difficult to fit this into two bags with all the rest of your stuff.

4) Spot Reports - This pretty much holds true for all of RAP and Darby, but I will bring it up now. As I stated earlier, we got MURDERED with Major Minus spot reports in B CO on Day 0 (as well as throughout RAP and Darby). What I will say about these spot reports is that while you should obviously avoid them as much as possible, don't get down on yourself if you get them, even if it's early on. Sometimes getting one is inevitable or out of your control and you just have to realize that the same thing is happening to A LOT of people there. It doesn't mean you are doomed to failure. There were plenty of guys with three Major Minuses who still made it on to Mountains (I knew a guy who had five and still made it). Don't give up if, for whatever reason, these things start to seem like they are piling up.

Also realize that if you are going to offset Major Minuses with Major Pluses, RAP Week is the time to do it. You will be told which events can get you a Plus and what the standard is to get them. These are the easiest Major Pluses to get (I talked to at least RIs who said it was really difficult if not impossible to get them after RAP Week or Darby Queen), so if it's within your ability to grab one, by all means do it. Far and away the easiest Major Plus to get (if your company is giving one out for this) is during the Ranger Stakes event so knowing your Common Tasks cold before going to Ranger School can help you out here (more on this later).

And that is pretty much it for Day 0. You don't really do much else the rest of the day, and Ranger School doesn't technically start until the next day (they don't really smoke you at all before that first RPFT). Somehow you will still probably stay up until around midnight, but you'll likely eat chow at the DFAC and should feel pretty good going into the RPFT the next morning.

So I obviously lied when I said that I would keep this short, but if I don't get this stuff out there now I'll probably forget it. As always feel free to ask questions or for clarification on anything I've talked about here, or anything else I might have experienced while there.

Epic Fail

2011-07-25T17:03:00.000-07:00

Chalk up another one to the 'Epic Fail' title. Although this time I own it.

I'm sitting on an MWR computer at TTB Voyager, IBOLC's mini FOB and fortress of sadness. I am in the middle of completing a 'Hey you' detail as OPFOR for an IBOLC company's culminating FTX, Leader Forge. I am also slowly loosing my mind and wallowing in self loathing.

Shouldn't I be waist deep in the exponentially greater suckfest that is U.S. Army Ranger School? Yes, in fact I could be well on my way to graduating in less than two weeks, but instead I am an endentured servant to all the IN LTs who haven't yet screwed the pooch at Ranger.

I think everyone has heard plenty of stories about Ranger School. Anywhere from 61 days to 6 months of grade A, face melting, suck. But most of these stories tend to end with the protaganist eventually rising above it all and savoring the sweet ambrosia of graduation day. You don't hear much about the meat sticks who bone it.

My first attempt at Ranger School ended pretty much before it started when I failed Land Navigation on Day 3 of RAP (Ranger Assessment Phase) Week. After skulking back to IBOLC HHC and essentially begging for a second chance, I was graciously granted the opportunity to re-do all the Ranger prerequisites set forth by HHC in order to be placed on an order of merit list and be considered for the next class. An RPFT, Land Navigation Course, 12 mile ruck march, and a favor called in from my IBOLC Platoon Trainer (who is definitely going to kill me when he finds out where I am right now) later I was good to go with Ranger Class 08-11. All things considered, not a bad gig. I still had several friends from IBOLC who, for various reasons, were classing up with 08-11 or had recycled Darby and would be waiting there once I finished RAP Week. After conducting a fairly thorough recon of the Ranger land nav course, I felt confident that I would make the most of this opportunity.

Fast forward to last Wednesday and I'm waking up in the medic's station at Camp Darby in nothing but a wool blanket and some flimsy disposable shorts. It's the last day of Darby phase but it dawns on me that the day prior I had went down with heat exhaustion while on patrol. Of all the things that could have gone awry after completing RAP week, this was far an away the worst. Failing patrols, being singled out as a shitbag during peers, tallying a half dozen or so negative sport reports, losing squad equipment and even being guilty of a negligent discharge were all offenses that I saw people get recycled (even a Darby insert for the ND!) for. That is to say, they got to stay at Ranger and simply re-do either Darby or RAP Week and Darby with the next class. But succumbing to a heat injury is an automatic medical drop, with the stipulation that the soldier cannot return to Ranger School during any summer month.

So once again, I was on my way home with my biggest goal left unrealized and this time, no real hope of another chance. It is failures like this that make you take a strong look at yourself an inevitably doubt begins to enter your mind regarding whether your ambition over steps your capabilities. However, despite this when I walked into the HHC 1SGT's office, I still maintained my desire to stay at Fort Benning until I finished Ranger, fully expecting this to be both a ludicrous request in light of my failure and legitimately impossible due to the large amount of time until Ranger School no longer considers it summer. I don't know if he realized that I had already been in his office once before under similar circumstances, but rather than serve me the ass chewing I expected, he immediately began searching for ways to actually keep me at Benning until October (the first Ranger class that I am now allowed to be in).

We eventually settled on sending me to Infantry Mortar Leaders Course. This course has the double benefit of being highly sought after by LTs due to the fact that it can make you more competitive as a specialty platoon leader, and lasting until early September. Thus, if I can manage to get my shit together for 5 weeks and complete MLC (I hear there are numbers involved with mortars so this could be dicey), I will actually have a snow ball's chance in hell at getting an unfathomable third shot at Ranger in October. Otherwise all I have to do is survive the mind numbing game of devising awesome excuses regarding why HHC shouldn't put you on soul crushing, weekend devouring details. So far I am proving pretty inept at that, but I really can't complain (although I am complaining).

I originally wanted no part of this post. First an foremost getting dropped from Ranger has been humiliating beyond anything I can recall in recent memory. My first impulse was to mitigate the damage and simply withdraw from wider society entirely, living a life of self imposed interweb exile. However, I figure if I am going to keep grinding away at this until October, I need to own up to my failures and figure out a way to fix it next time. Hiding from it isn't going to help anything. Also, I figure that my experience at Ranger, however brief and impotent can probably benefit others who will be attending the course in the near future. To that end I am going to attempt to write a few follow on posts with some general insights and guidance on how not to be like me at Ranger.

In the meantime, anyone with questions on RAP Week, Darby, or my personal experience with either, please feel free to ask as the experience is pretty much still seared into my memory. Until then, I'm going to get back to walking down the road and getting lit up by ambush lines that I can clearly see and hear from 200m away.

Rock on.

BRB, Doing Hood Rat Things with My Ranger Buddies

2011-06-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

Although regular posting has never existed on this site, it will be interrupted starting tomorrow for the duration of Sadnessfest 2011, aka Ranger School Class 007-11.

After being reminded on numerous occasions by literally every cadre member at Fort Benning of the unspeakable things that happen to Infantry Lieutenants who don't get Ranger tabs, I am relieved to be finally putting the rubber to the road on this. This being, of course, the type of relief that slowly drips down the leg of your pants as you are screamed at by some Mongoloid Ranger Instructor, but who is counting.

So you will either be hearing from me again in the not too distant future... or never again as I recede from society into a shame induced hermitage.

Either way, wish me luck and hopefully I will have some pearls of wisdom for those of you going in the future.

Dog and Pony Fail

2011-05-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

This is ripped straight from today's Danger Room article. One which I refuse to read because anymore information regarding the epic, spiraling shit storm that is U.S./Pakistan relations is going to cause a me mental breakdown.

However, I like this picture because I feel that the ceremony pictured may qualify as one of the greatest 'Dog and Pony Shows' of all time.

The only thing worse than a Dog and Pony Show for the brass is a Dog and Pony Show for the Pakistani brass

Get You Some

2011-05-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

The biggest thing that struck me from yesterday's contribution was point number two, that soldiers have become alienated from the public at large, partially because of divergent viewpoints on whether or not the war should continue.

I don't know if I agree with the broad assertion that all soldiers want the war to continue on indefinitely. To say that there is no downside to the war from the soldiers perspective is a stretch. We see the negative effects in terms of the increase in PTSD, suicides, failed marriages, discipline issues in garrison (drugs, alcohol, domestic abuse etc.) as well as the more obvious KIA/WIAs. I think most soldiers do recognize these things are problems that are highly indicative of a force suffering from 'tracer burnout' (point number one).

However, what I found interesting about this point is how true it is amongst my peers (new lieutenants). New officers from my peer group have overwhelmingly exhibited a desire to serve overseas in combat. From this perspective it has less to do with soldiers or officers seeing benefit in a state of perpetual warfare, and more to do with the almost universal desire on behalf of inexperienced members of the profession of arms wanting to get their piece of the action. This isn't at all particular to our current conflicts of course, as every war seems to witness an initial euphoric desire on behalf of the non-initiated to prove themselves in combat.

What I do find particular to our current conflicts, and the war in Afghanistan in particular, is the fact that us uninitiated soldiers have been afforded an unprecedentedly up close and personal view of the war, practically from its inception (or at least from whatever point each individual started paying attention to it). What I mean is that the war has been going on for 10 years, and with the internet/Twitter-sphere/blogosphere (remember that term?), we as future combat leaders or soldiers have been afforded a pretty crystal clear picture of what we are in for. We've seen the gun-cam footage from Wanat and read analysis/punditry on what went down there. We've seen Restrepo. We've read about the difficulties during Operation Moshtarak and the murkiness of COIN at the tactical level. We've read about the public indifference/opposition to the war, and realize that this is not a fight in which the existential survival of the nation or its way of life is at stake.

Snippets of such information have been available to a varying degree to soldiers in previous wars, but I doubt that any group of warriors has ever been so well aware of what their war is like prior to actually getting there. While Vietnam can be lauded as the war in which live action media made its emergence, this seems to pale in comparison to the degree to which I, or any other soldier, can utilize media to obtain a fair idea of what the term 'boots on the ground' actually means. Yet the strong desire to take part in war is still present, and seemingly to an undiminished degree in the hearts of young, untested soldiers. Unlike the LT venturing off to the Civil War, WWI, WWII, etc. I have no real illusions of adventure or glory in Afghanistan or the wider 'Long War' because the tidal wave of information regarding this conflict basically precludes it.

So I find it fascinating that we seem to possess the same endless reserve of excitement and motivation as our predecessors, while being afforded hardly a fraction of the ignorance regarding the nature of what we face. I wonder what it is precisely that motivates people in my position, and I admit that it is an illusive and ambiguous thing. I have never really been able to explain my desire to deploy to family or civilians friends. I've tried, but it has never even sounded convincing to me. I've similarly never had to explain it with my peers as it is taken for granted in that circle.

When I think about it now I still can't put my finger on precisely where the motivation lies. However, I often times am drawn to a quote from an officer in the Ranger Regiment that helped inspire me to join the Infantry. To paraphrase, it went something like this, "You don't join the football team to not make varsity, and you don't join the football team to make varsity and sit on the sideline. You join the football team to get in the game, and fuck shit up." This is the type of attitude that permeates the top of the Army food chain, and it finds its way throughout the Army community. The end result being that 'getting in the game' or accomplishing your mission in a combat zone becomes the ultimate source of validation for those who have joined the Army and strongly self identify with it as an institution. It has more to do with proving yourself to the people around you (your friends, your peers, your superior/subordinates etc.) than really anything else. This dynamic has been a constant throughout the history of warfare, but I think that we've reached the point in our current conflicts, where it constitutes the overwhelming majority of the personal motivation behind actually desiring a deployment.

So to bring it back around to the previous post, I don't think everyone in the Army wants the war to go on indefinitely. I feel that those who do legitimately desire to go over seas do so because they feel an obligation to their comrades in the Army to be there when the shit hits the fan. Whether that means proving oneself to your peers/soldiers or being there to lead/protect/fight beside other soldiers may differ on an individual basis, but the fact that the motivation comes from the people to the left and right, largely does not. I think many, if not most of those who have already served overseas and fulfilled this obligation would be more than happy to have the burden of another deployment lifted, while at the same time being undaunted should the necessity arise.

Tango Down. Game Over. Thanks for Playing Folks.

2011-05-09T16:16:00.000-07:00

Before I start I would like to introduce myself as a guest contributor who has been granted the privilege to project my very pointed view points out into the world every now and again via this blog. While I will never claim to have the aptitude for thought that the originator has, I do hope that I can insight some response, contemplation or, if nothing else, a bit of havoc.

Osama bin Laden was killed on a Sunday night. At the Home of the Airborne and Special Operations the vast majority of the population was already asleep. In DC and NYC however thousands poured into the streets to celebrate with great revelry into the wee hours of the morning. Facebook and social media were plastered with what a momentous occasion it was. People exclaimed that justice had been served and “we got ‘em”. The various news outlets ran constant coverage of every facet of the event, calling in “experts” of various types and designs to keep the party rolling.

As the day after Osama dawned, 22,000 soldiers at this post reported to duty; business as usual. Nothing changed. Nothing was different for them. It was abundantly clear (and especially poignant at the post that houses both the Delta and JSOC compounds) that this wasn’t a victory for the masses. It was a victory for a very small group of very specialized people. The U.S. military makes up 1% of the population of the United States. The people who actually had a hand in this event make up .01% of that 1%. For the rest, the war just goes on. Deployments are still coming, JRTC rotations are still happening and Commanders everywhere are still prepping their troops to go down range. But that stuff really isn’t that exciting.

What is exciting are simple, easily understood victories framed in a context that lends itself closer to a Disney movie than the real world. Bad stuff happened to us, there was a long hard fight, we got the bad guy, cue happy ending. The fact of the matter is over the last 10 years that 1% has done all the work to accomplish what happened to Osama and the .01% executed on it. Unfortunately the manner in which that work was accomplished is not very easily explained. It’s tough to simplify the concept of aggressive COIN operations executed by a multifaceted joint force comprised of conventional and unconventional forces consisting of military and civilian actors. Hell summarizing it sounds complicated but that’s who pushed us to where we are today and brought about the circumstances to create that simple victory. They continue to do it. Unfortunately it’s pretty obvious the American public doesn’t see the correlation and, after the way shit went down, they probably never will.

Ask the average American about Afghanistan and they will struggle to identify anything about the current conflict. In truth the average American is probably incapable of ever conceiving the complexity of the conflict as it stands. A feel good, clean cut victory seems to be all we are programmed to respond to. As unfortunate as that may be for the warriors of American virtue, I say we give it to them. Osama is dead, people are happy; it’s time to leave Afghanistan. Here are three very good reasons why.

1) We have hit tracer burnout. We need out. This is the best possible way to do so.

Whether you think we should drive on with this campaign or not is irrelevant when faced with the numbers being generated by current operating costs. All things equal, to equip and supply a soldier in Afghanistan cost roughly double what it did in Iraq. Factor in its landlocked geography, difficult terrain, poor infrastructure and security and you don’t have to be a logistical Napoleon to realize getting shit where we need it is costing us a fortune. We’ve been at this for literally 10 years by the way. We need to ask ourselves the serious question are things going to get significantly better if we keep increasing our output. While that is a whole debate in and of itself, I will link you here and go ahead and put myself in the “No” category. We have a moral victory the American people can understand and feel good about. It’s a convenient book end to close out this conflict on a high note.

2) We have single-handedly alienated the Army. Soldiers don’t want the war to end but don’t appreciate it can’t continue.

Soldiers do not relate in any way shape or form with the average American. The lifestyle, ethics, work and viewpoints have become so different that it is difficult to for one party to comprehend the other. One of the most difficult dichotomies is the viewpoint towards the war itself. If you poll the average American they will more than likely make the assertion we need to get out due to financial reasons, if they even have a logical opinion at all. This probably isn’t because they have some deep understanding but more because it’s the line they are hearing from the media. They lack a sense of urgency to combat enemies of the state because they simply don’t perceive any threat. You ask the average soldier their opinion on the war and almost universally you will hear, “We need to keep fighting.” These soldiers have grown up on deployments; they truly believe that if we don’t endlessly fight, a 9/11 like attack is going to happen again. However they don’t take into account the fiscal cost to the country at all. The DFAC is always going to be open, they are getting a pay check and all of their health care is taken care of. There is no downside. Their world is the war.

3) The disconnected nature of KOing Bin Laden and everyday Operations, the celebration of one and criticism of the other, has driven home the division of America and the Army

The final point here is that while double tapping Bin Laden might have been a feel good victory for everybody it overvalues, what is at this point, a marginalized aspect of a campaign that hundreds of thousands have striven very hard to make tenable. The day to day grind of the troops on the ground in the valleys nobody is going to remember talking to people in villages whose names nobody can pronounce are, and have been, the main effort for what was supposedly a COIN centric mission. The fact that that effort has taken so much criticism and been scrutinized from every angle while a flashy victory receives jubilation in the streets comes off as disingenuous to the people actually shouldering the load. The separation has long been whispered about; I think the stark contrast in the reactions from these two different societies show that it’s very much a reality. To not get out, reset and address this issue now will spell disaster for the Army and country down the line.

Extreme Prejudice

2011-05-05T18:20:00.000-07:00

So as per the suggestion of my illustrious Hoya graduates I'm about to dive into the Twilight series in order to forge mental/emotional toughness before Ranger School. It's all about getting your mind into the right place after all.

However, I'm getting some less serious reading in so as to prep myself for this arduous task. First on my list is Afghanistan: A Cultural and Political History by Thomas Barfield, and because I have too much ADD to focus on something even remotely academic for more than 20 pages in a row, I'm reading Horse Soldiers by Doug Stanton when I get bored.

In terms of relevance to the current debate over whether double tapping Usama was the best thing of all freaken time or a wanton and illegal assassination (boo, hiss), I came across an interesting passage on pages 37-38 of Stanton's book. The following was an exchange taking place between Gary Schroen, one of the first CIA paramilitary personnel on the ground in the 'Stan after 9-11, and his boss at Langley, Cofer Black.

"'I don't want bin Laden and his thugs captured,' Black explained. "I want them dead. Alive and in prison here in the United States, they'll become a symbol, a rallying point for other terrorists.'

And then Black shocked Schroen: 'I want to see photos of their heads on pikes. I want bin Laden's head shipped in a box with dry ice. I want to be able to show bin Laden's head to the President. I promised him I would do that. Have I made myself clear?'"

So it seems entirely possible to me that there was absolutely no chance the SEALs were going to take bin Laden alive, regardless of the circumstance. In that case all of the 'new developments' surrounding what went down on the raid are kind of a mute point, as Usama may have had two screaming rounds (why no Mozambique Drill?) of white hot 5.56 justice coming his way no matter what.

That passage is from 2001, so perhaps the ROE for bin Laden have changed with time and the new administration, but something tells me the SEALs probably heard something quite similar in their mission brief. Does that change the legality/morality of the take down? Morally it changes nothing for me. We could have launched one screaming, white hot Hellfire Missile of justice and killed all the innocents in that building just to avoid this rigmarole, but we didn't so I think that's bonus morality points somewhere. Legally, I'm sure it would make things a bit more murky, but I'm not a student of international law, nor do I really give a damn.

Food for thought. If anyone has comments on how this would effect the legality of the raid, I'd like to hear them. I'm admitting pretty much total ignorance on that one.

But I still don't give a damn.

America

Clarification

2011-05-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

In case anyone was wondering exactly what types of celebrations I was O.K. with and which ones I took issue with, here is the best example of one I love.

Seriously though, my issue with the celebrations had more to do with the reasons behind certain people celebrating (or more specifically, the lack thereof), and less with what they actually did.

'Merica.

Tango Down

2011-05-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

So some thoughts on UBL eating it.

1) I was driving back from a wedding in Florida with two other IN LTs when the news broke. Listening to the reporting over AM radio was less than ideal, but we did haul ass back fast enough to crack a beer and watch President Obama's Speech. Seriously though, who the hell listens to AM radio? That crap is atrocious.

2) Related to this, the celebrations. I feel like these fell into one of two categories: those undertaken by people who legitimately appreciated the momentousness of the occasion, and those undertaken by idiots who just wanted an excuse to get hammered drunk and blow off whatever they were doing the next day.

Despite the fact that most celebrations were probably fairly sincere and well intentioned, the image that seems to have been sent to the world was one of college kids obnoxiously chanting 'USA, USA' while generally participating in a drunken orgy of destruction around campus, in DC, etc. I am torn because for those who legitimately get what this is all about, I understand the compulsion towards a little display of unapologetic Americanism. I was pumped, I had beer with friends, I made annoying Twitter comments about the awesomeness of someone actually shooting UBL in the face, so I can be counted amongst the people who were legitimately celebrating his death, albeit privately.

But I can't help but be a little pissed off at some of these revelers because I know that not all of them have actually been effected in any meaningful way by what UBL represents/ stepped up and sacrificed something to combat what UBL represents/ really even know what UBL represents. A lot of these people are really just drunk jack asses who are confirming some of the stereotypes that the rest of the world assumes to be true of all Americans.

So what's the verdict on this? Am I being a buzz kill? Are these celebrations all legit demonstrations of patriotism?

3) At the same time, I am pretty tired of those people who deny that it is legitimate to celebrate this event because they claim there is some normative value against killing someone, no matter what the circumstance. These are probably all of the epic heroes misusing the MLK quote on the interwebs. Got it, you are pissed about the violence perpetrated by BOTH SIDES during the wider 10 year 'war on terror' (although you only know you are pissed at what the U.S. and NATO have done, because that's how you role...), but taken as an isolated event, do you really find the killing of UBL to be morally wrong?

Vengeance does not necessarily have to be a pejorative concept, even from the perspective of peace and reconciliation. You can call it restorative justice if you want. When a person, society or nation has been harmed on some deep, fundamental level oftentimes the perception of justice being attained is the most powerful force capable of a) allowing that person/society to reconcile with itself and move on and b) allowing that person/society to reconcile with the real or perceived perpetrators of their injuries (in this case Islam could be considered a perceived perpetrator).

I feel that there is a palpable sense of justice having been done, at least amongst those people who actually understand and give a shit about what this means. I don't think it is crazy to think that this will help our society as it attempts to move away from a perceived conflict with Islam. I think the positive impact that UBL's death will have on the American psyche may be the most powerful result to come out of this event. Far more important than the strategic, operational, or tactical impact on Iraq or Afghanistan of functionally removing the head of AQ Central, (which is likely negligible aside from whatever the 'mother load' of intel that was found during the raid may produce).

Ultimately I side with the camp that believes UBL's death holds the promise of some tangible benefit for not only the U.S. as a society, but peace seeking men and women everywhere. I mean, just look at what his group has done and what they stand for, he/they are nothing but an irreconcilable impedement to peaceful relations between the West and the Middle East/the broader Muslim world. Forget just Americans, people the world over should be glad he is gone. Yeesh.

4) Thank you to Rashard Mendenhall for proving my longstanding assertion that you, and the Pittsburgh Steelers, suck.

Women in the Infantry, Again

2011-03-08T16:53:00.000-08:00

So this Report for Congress on women serving in Combat Arms branches/MOS isn't going away.

I've tried to contort my mind into a coherent argument for why this is a terrible idea, but have thus far been too sleep deprived and unwilling to dedicate the time necessary to think that hard.

As a start...

My basic argument against letting women in rests upon two assumptions: 1) This will be horrendous for morale at the small unit level 2) Instances of sexual violence against women in the military would likely increase if we were to go forward with letting them in.

We can debate the validity of those assumptions, but I will leave them on the table for now and bring up a finer point about the commission itself.

Reading through that short headliner on Military.com throws up an immediate red flag when one learns the commission's chairman is a retired Air Force General. Seriously? How many degrees of separation exist between a line combat arms unit and a retired Air Force General? I don't know anything about this fine gentleman but I really wonder what he brings to the table in terms of relevant knowledge of how combat arms units work, and the effects his commission's proposed actions might have on them. To be fair, the vice chairman joined the Army in 1943, so I assume this means he pretty much HAD to have been combat arms. That's just how shit rolled in WWII....

In all seriousness, fine, the chairman of the commission doesn't necessarily imply anything about the quality of the commission's findings and their relevance to actual combat units. Well let's check out the rest of the panel then.

Out of the 31 people on this panel I count 4 that I can discern with certainty have served in a ground combat arms unit (since that is what the hell we are talking about here) at some point in this earth's history. 2 out of the 4 are retired, and the 2 who are not are both Generals.

Since I'm not really familiar with Marine Corps awards or what the hell a Marine Corps General's bio should look like, I'll allow that the number may be 6 or 7. Check out the list yourself and make your own conclusions. It's definitely under 8 though.

There are also 0 active duty enlisted members, and 0 enlisted below the rank of a retired Sergeant Major.

There are also 0 commissioned members below the grade of O5.

I'm sure all of these ladies and gentlemen are incredibly intelligent and have very interesting views that they are brining forth in public debate, but I really have to wonder how much they know about what they are proposing.

This commission's findings are making headlines and driving the debate on whether or not to women into combat arms. Personally I'd rather here from some Infantry PSGs or squad leaders, rather than a retired member of the Coast Guard on how that might impact unit morale and readiness.

Just a thought. Hopefully more to follow as I begin to get more sleep.

Speaking like a Soldier Part II

2011-02-19T16:17:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone is enjoying their President's Day weekend thus far.

I wanted to get a couple more phrases down here prior to testing out my residual alcohol tolerance in downtown Columbus. Because you never know when you might not make it back from that place.

So without further ado:

Rat Fuck - (v) The act of selecting something from a pool of limited resources in such a fashion that leaves a generally undesirable result for the individual or individuals selecting next.

After I realized that Lieutenant Jones had rat fucked my last tin of Skoal, leaving me with half a dip for the remaining day of field training, I decided not to share my tobacco with him any longer... and also rated him last on peer evals.

'I swear to god, if you lieutenants don't stop rat fucking the MRE's and leaving nothing but Veggie Omelets, you are going to be low crawling the range all morning.'

Pogey Bait - (n) Any edible substance that is brought to the field that does not come in an MRE. Generally pleasing in taste and thus, preferred by pogues (POG: persons other than grunt).

The lieutenant thought that he might be saving money on groceries while he was in the field until he realized he wasn't receiving BAS to pay for all the MRE's, and he was still paying $50 a week on pogey bait.

The instructor nearly shit a brick when, during an inspection, he realized that 75% of the available space on the lieutenant's FLC was occupied by pogey bait or extra batteries for his cell phone.

(h/t to Tom for beating me to the punch with this next one)

Gypsy Wagon - (n) A combined human and material manifestation of complete and utter disorganization and inability to properly square oneself, and appropriate equipment, away. See also, Gypsy Camp (n) A collection of individuals who may properly be described as Gypsy Wagons. Most commonly observed amongst clueless lieutenants attempting to set up a patrol base.

The 1SGT exclaimed, "Look at this fucking gypsy wagon" as the lieutenant stumbled into formation with his poncho and sleep system dragging behind him.

Once the instructor realized that the patrol base had degenerated into a total gypsy camp, it was only a matter of time before the artillery simulators made their first appearance of the night.

Speaking like a Soldier

2011-02-16T17:57:00.000-08:00

There have been a few posts over at the Ink Spots blog related to the peculiar way in which those of us who've sold our souls to military tend to speak.

I liked where that was going, but I feel like many of the terms and turns of phrase are a bit more applicable to the briefing table as opposed to sitting around in the field freezing your balls off. That blog probably also has standards for itself that preclude the use of profanity something I am currently not shackled by. So for my tiny little slice of the Internet, I'd like to start working on some of the ground level language that typifies what gets thrown around here.

I'll do this piecemeal because more will come to me while I'm in the field. Feel free to contribute any of your favorites, because I will miss quite a few.

Episode one in no particular order whatsoever:

Soup Sandwich - (n) Anything that can be considered substandard, undesirable or otherwise a complete and utter mess in appearance, execution or inherent nature.

After three straight nights of skulling massive quantities of whiskey and Guinness, the lieutenant looked like a soup sandwich at PT Monday morning.

The lieutenant's OPORD was a complete soup sandwich so the patrol decided to role out and ' do it fucking live'.

Snivel Gear - (n) Any piece of clothing or equipment utilized to keep oneself warm and thus, lower one's inherent toughness and value as a soldier and human being. See also, 'Snivel up' - (v) The act of donning said cowardly garments.

Despite numerous warnings that it would result in instantaneous and catastrophic heat exhaustion, the lieutenants decided to wear snivel gear to counter act the freezing rain.

The lieutenant went and hid in the latrine so that he could snivel up without getting chewed out by the sergeant major.

High speed - (adj) Being of high quality or generally advanced in ability, competence, etc. Oftentimes used derisively in a sarcastic fashion. Also used as a nickname for individuals who are decidedly not high speed.

The incredibly high speed lieutenant couldn't find the safety on the 240B machine gun, so he had to raise his hand and wait for the sergeant to come help him.

'Hey there, high speed, you've got your fucking ACH on backwards.'

Tiny Heart Syndrome (THS) - (n) A medical condition common to military units that negatively effects one's ability to push oneself physically, endure physical or emotional discomfort, or otherwise do the 'harder right'. Often times associated with excessive use of snivel gear.

After the lieutenant failed the APFT with a 21 minute two mile run, an initial diagnosis of THS was offered by his commander.

I have THS, and the only prescription is more flutter kicks.

Women in the Infantry

2011-02-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

You may have heard that the Army is 'considering' opening up the Combat Arms branches to women. Inevitability has set in and I feel the need to comment on this.

Plus the source of 98% of the best IBOLC quotes was not present at the 8 full iterations of land navigation (yay memorizing the course) we did this week, so there was nothing too memorable there and I need something else to write about.

I am going to go ahead and say that the majority of the discourse that makes up this debate sucks. Seriously, this is one of those polarizing issues that seems to generate all manner of emotional and asinine argumentation in favor of either side. I feel like I could go on and on with this, but I'll try to keep it to a few points. Maybe add others as they come to mind later.

First from the anti-women in the infantry camp:

1) Women are generally physically weaker than men and thus are less well suited for the bad-assery inherent to rucking ad infinitum, juggling Javelins and smoting the enemy's ruin with their bare fists in hand to hand combat awesomeness.

At face value, this is true, but it is a pretty useless argument against opening Combat Arms to women. Somewhere out there there are at least a handful, or a hundred or some number of women who are, no shit, better at shooting, moving, communicating, sustaining and surviving than some of their male counterparts who are considered qualified for (and/or currently serving in) Combat Arms units. It hurts our collective man-pride to concede this, but everyone has to admit it's true. I've read some stuff by people who probably won't admit it, but I contend that it is IMPOSSIBLE that there aren't a few women out there that could pass Ranger, SFAS, etc. etc. Feel free to voice your dissent.

The necessary point to make here is this: Are we talking about only letting those women for whom the above is true into Combat Arms, or are we talking attempting to get female representation proportionate to the overall percentage of women in the Army? Obviously, the 'women can't hack it' argument only retains possible relevance if the latter is the case, but I don't believe anyone is actually suggesting that the standards for service in Combat Arms should be lowered for women. If I am wrong, let me know and I will decry that that is retarded and commence ranting about it.

2) Women trigger an emotional response in men that will cause male soldiers to lose their shit should anything bad happen to a fellow woman soldier in combat.

Uhm, what the hell? Why do I even hear this referenced? Is it just like, the first thing that comes to mind or something?

We don't think that the training and discipline of a combat soldier, or the leadership and direction of small unit leaders could possibly counteract this? No? Really, people are just going to act a fool because the person in trouble is a member of the fairer sex no matter what constraints the Army puts on its combat soldiers?

O.K., maybe there is an automated emotional response that will be at work, but the question is this... Is that emotional response really stronger than the response that would be triggered by seeing one of your buddies in a similar situation? Everyone has heard of the brotherhood of arms and how close combat soldiers become. Based on this I seriously doubt the whole, 'emotional response leading to irrational battlefield decisions' thing retains any validity in the debate, because that is already an intrinsic element to combat. Introducing women is not going to alter the equation to any degree significant enough to be relevant.

Now from the opposing camp:

1) In the contemporary operating environment, there is no traditionally conceived front line and rear area. Therefor, all units, not just Combat Arms, are exposed to the dangers of asymmetric warfare. As a result, women have experienced, and in many cases performed well in combat. So what the hell is the difference in letting them be in Combat Arms anyways?

A lot is wrong with this.

a) There is a front line and rear area. It's called on the 'big box' FOB and not on the 'big box' FOB. It is not as cut and dry as freaken WWI or whatever, but it is indisputable that compared to the more austere, isolated and exposed COPs, the FOBs offer a drastically increased level of security and safety. Just watch Restrepo for an example of what the front looks like and then compare that to... oh wait they don't make documentaries about the FOB because they are comparatively uneventful places. I guess read a New York Times piece or something about how they wanted to shut down all the Burger Kings and crap on the FOBs.

I know that attacks on these FOBs do happen and that casualties are taken both at the FOB and on missions to and from them, but we aren't talking the constant level of contact that the COPs experience. There is no equitable sharing of the combat burden between Combat Arms and Service Support, even with the advent of IEDs and all sorts of other nefarious asymmetric devilry. Have no illusions, Combat Arms soldiers are the ones outside the FOBs taking the lion's share of the contact. Therefor, it is not useful to the debate to attempt to blur the line between the experience of Combat Arms and Service and Support soldiers in the COE.

All this aspect of the argument really proves is, 'Yes, it's official. There are women who will not simply panic and collapse into a sobbing fetal ball when faced with combat. It is thus possible that a certain amount of females are capable of effectively dealing with combat situations!'. This, like the 'there's gotta be some women out there who could hack Combat Arms to the same standards as men' point seems to be common-freaking-sense and adds little to the debate.

Bottom line is that there is still only a very small percentage of women in the Army who could attain the physical, emotional and psychological standards that Combat Arms are currently held to (this is an assumption on my part, but I don't think it's terribly unfair). The fact that other women have performed admirably in relatively isolated combat scenarios does not change that fact or make women in general any more qualified.

2) Not allowing women into Combat Arms is discriminatory in that it limits career advancement potential for women.

Alright, I admit that this is valid insofar as Combat Arms branches/MOS seem to be better vehicles for promotion than Service Support (depending on the career goals of those involved) and thus, barring women from them may limit their opportunities. However, why not debate reforming the system that prioritizes Combat Arms over Service Support for promotion? I mean, if only a small percentage of the women in the Army would be willing and able to attain the same standards as men Combat Arms, how far would opening these jobs up to women really go in leveling the playing field?

Furthermore, I initially dismissed the idea that the standards for Combat Arms jobs would be lowered to allow for women as ludicrous. However, if that is actually what is being tossed around then I have to come out and bluntly state that the whole discrimination thing is an inadequate justification for such measures. Simply stated, the integrity of the standards to which our combat soldiers and leaders are held is more important than equal opportunity in the Army. We have to consider what the point of having an Army is after all.

And now I am quite possibly adding to the cacophony of senseless noise that is this debate. Freaken sue me.

Quotes of the Week

2011-02-06T07:21:00.000-08:00

As anyone who has ever attended a TRADOC school knows, a lot of hilarious stuff gets uttered by tired/cold/hungry/bored students in efforts to make light of situations like, oh I dunno, standing around for two hours in freezing rain waiting to fire ten rounds at a target twenty meters away. But I digress.

Anyway, I figure it might be a fun exercise to try to jot down some of these gems and recall the better ones here. Unfortunately only two from the past week immediately spring to mind, so here they are:

1) Regarding using a Javelin's CLU for observation at a COP or OP during a classroom discussion:

LT #1 - 'Yeah, and you'd pretty much be like the eye of Mordor up there with that thing.'

Class - 30 seconds of complete awkward silence as we try to figure out what to make of that comment.

LT #2 - 'It's the Eye of Sauron, you idiot.'

2) Regarding situational awareness in Afghanistan during a classroom discussion on how much information a CO will be providing a PL before missions:

CPT - 'If it's me I'm pretty much going to take a shit in my hand, throw it against the wall, and read the poop. That's about what you're gonna get.'

Class - Laughter until we realize it's not a joke.

Accessions and Officer Retention

2011-01-31T18:00:00.000-08:00

By now everyone has read the Atlantic article on why our 'best' officers are leaving the Army. No need to rehash any of the points in detail. Bottom line up front, for various reasons the Army bureaucracy/personnel system creates and reinforces an anti-meritocracy that rewards mediocrity/the status quo and sends butt loads of super high speed, motivated killing machines into other lines of work.

Since being at IBOLC I have noticed one facet of the Army officer personnel system (I don't know what these things are actually called so I make up names for them) that seems to be contributing to this shit-storm (I believe that actually is the doctrinally correct term). That is, the accessions process by which new 2LTs are placed within their first branch of the Army.

(edit) Bottom Line Up Front: Those seeking to engage the officer retention issue should cast a critical eye towards the officer accessions processes and the potentially negative effects it can have by placing new LTs in branches that are ill suited to their skills, disposition, desires etc.

Before I got here I made the mistaken assumption that the overwhelming majority of Infantry LTs actually chose the Infantry as their branch, and thus, want to be here (or at least at one alcohol soaked point in their life thought they did). Along with a few other branches, Infantry is one of the more difficult to get and thus, you generally need to be top of your class and choose it as your first choice, or add a few more years onto your obligation to get it. However, I have been surprised by the amount of people that didn't choose Infantry or Combat Arms, but where instead chosen by it (in Soviet Russia, Infantry chooses you!).

The obvious reaction to this is, 'Yah, roger. What do you expect? The needs of the Army takes precedence'. Which is fine if not for the veritable bounty of people who would give their right hand (or if you've seen Generation Kill, other parts of the body) to be in the Infantry. I know a few personally, and I would wager that the number of people who would kill to be Infantry but got screwed over by the Army's jacked up accesions process, is far greater than the number of guys here who want nothing to do with closing with and destroying the enemy. Even if it's not far greater, it's gotta be roughly equal or something. Either way, you are clearly left with a group that wanted Infantry and couldn't have it, and another that didn't ask for Infantry but got socked in the face with it anyways. This can obviously be extrapolated to include every other branch in the Army, but I feel like the Combat Arms branches probably illustrate the problem best because they generally seem to require a fairly distinct mindset, disposition, attitude, etc. from their officers.

There are two problems with this state of affairs, one that effects the retention issue, and one that is just plain bad for the Army and the people in it:

a) You are left with two sets of officers who are fundamentally dissatisfied with their job before ever even becoming branch qualified. Add that consideration to what is discussed in the Atlantic article and draw your own conclusions on how likely it is that ANY of those people stay in beyond their initial service obligation. I'll admit that this is more of a problem for the people who wanted Infantry and didn't get it, because the majority of the other camp seem to be branch detailed types who will, per their initial contracts, spend their CPT time in Service Support branches.

b) The units to which both sets of officers are assigned suffer in that they are going to be staffed and/or led at the PLT/CO level by people who wanted something very different from what they got from the Army. How does the Infantry rifleman benefit from having a PL who envisioned himself as a Signal Officer, but got branched detailed Infantry out of left field? How does any other branch benefit from getting an officer who is disgruntled because they wanted to blow shit up and lead bayonet charges, and now have to learn other stuff (I don't know what the rest of the Army does)?

Alright, so admittedly I've kinda glossed over the fundamental issue of why the accessions process itself is, as I claim, a soup sandwich. And I do allow that a certain percentage of the people I am discussing really wanted Infantry or whatever other branch, but simply did not put in the time, effort and energy to be good enough to get it. I would argue that the Army needs to reexamine the metric by which these cadets/future LTs are evaluated and considered 'good enough' to get the branch they want. I mean, with a high enough GPA/APFT score you are good to go in terms of getting whatever you want despite the fact that you might be the world's most mind meltingly idiotic tactical leader, socially retarded, or of questionable psychological stability (all of these types do commission... trust me). More importantly, things like, I dunno, previous combat experience, language training, academic focus area, job history, or even something as subjective/marginally important as cadet tactical evaluations during ROTC/LDAC/whatever the hell everyone else does, do not seem to matter whatsofreaken ever. However, that is a post for a later date because I haven't had sufficient time doing absolutely nothing on the rifle range to fully consider that yet (or just take my freaken word for it now).

(edit 2) I really should proof read this crap better because Blogger seems to like to chop out huge chunks of text text for no apparent reason. As far as the second order effect of a shitty accessions process (ie: two groups of disaffected officers), I believe this is one area where the Army could show a bit more agility in order to at least increase the amount of officers who start out their careers fairly happy. Why not simply allow for a means by which 2LTs who don't like what they got to trade with one another. After all, by that point it is all a numbers game anyways, so a one for one branch trade doesn't really change much from the Army's perspective, but could have a HUGE impact for the individual officers in question. As it stands it seems damn near impossible to get this to happen (I don't have first hand experience, but once again, I know a few who have tried). Branch managers/HRC/whoever the heck else telling new LTs to suck it up and drive on does not seem to be a great answer to this part of the retention puzzle.

Granted, I don't know jack shit about the bureaucratic requirements of what I am blindly throwing darts at, but I'm willing to bet that a decently resourced forum on AKO or platoonleader.org could provide a sufficient starting point. If nothing else I've been getting at has made sense, I guess my one contribution would be to take a critical look at the officer accessions process and how it may be negatively impacting officer retention (that would be the bottom line down the bottom approach for those that are new).

Back in the Saddle

2011-01-21T18:27:00.000-08:00

So I've been at Infantry Officer Basic Course for about three weeks now, and I have finally heard enough anecdotes of 2LTs getting busted up for writing blogs to consider starting mine up again to be a personal challenge. For those who care, one dude almost got dropped from his IBOLC class for some sort of blog related jackassery. So ya, man-challenge, let's do it.

In all seriousness, I'm not going to use this as a forum for demonstrating my OUTSTANDING ability to gripe about Army or LT stuff, or letting people know how I feel about hotbed political issues (which are a crutch). That is to say, I have no intentions of using this blog as a mechanism with which I 'step on my own dick' (new Infantry phrase. I'm learning already).

I considered attempting to focus the blog to maybe a personal journal or some such thing to keep friends/family updated as to what the hell I'm doing ... But I then realized that I lack the ability to concentrate on one thing for any extended period of time, and have completely lost the ability to limit myself to family friendly language/topics (a condition that will worsen at an exponential rate directly related to time spent in the Infantry). So screw it. I'll ramble about whatever the hell I want in much the same fashion as before.

The soul binding framework of the blog is that it will not get me kicked out of IBOLC, which is probably more than it has ever enjoyed in the past.

Need to See This

2010-06-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

5.56 Sucks?

2010-06-02T08:58:00.000-07:00

I'm having a bit of a difficult time getting back into the swing of writing so I've decided to fall back on one of my standbys: asinine military equipment debates.

I say asinine because these debates are always overshadowed by an acquisitions process that gives new meaning to the term (look how long it took to figure out that UCP uniforms were useless... and how long it took to do anything about it).

The newest (not really that new at all) debate that has struck my fancy is the supposed uselessness of the 5.56 round in Afghanistan.

First of all, I am pretty sure that the lack of range on 5.56 (especially coupled with the M4 carbine) is an issue in Afghanistan, but I have a feeling that the way these news articles frame it is a bit off. I doubt seriously that it boils down to the M4/5.56 being out classed by the AK47 typically used by insurgents (thus allowing for all the comparisons to the British getting beasted on by flintlocks, or the Soviets by Lee Enfields and Mausers).

Yes, the AK uses 7.62, which is heavier and more accurate at longer ranges, but doesn't everyone accept the fact that that weapon system it is inaccurate as shit past 200 meters?

"When the Taliban get past 300 meters (1,000 feet) with an AK-47, they are just spraying and praying,"

Quoted from the above article no less.

So what weapon is it exactly that is out classing what we've got? The preferred Taliban tactic seems to be long ranged ambush, so they must have something to make that a viable strategy. SVD sniper rifles and machine guns seem to be the most likely long rang options. I'm not exactly an expert on what the Taliban is playing around with, I just assume it is the typical ex-Soviet, guerrilla warfare load out. However, if these are the Taliban's main long range threats, how necessary is it to go above and beyond adding more designated marksmen with M110 rifles?

Especially given the cost of refitting all conventional line units with a new battle rifle....

I'm playing devil's advocate because in a perfect world (one without the politicalization of getting people good gear), I think there are probably better options out there for a standard rifle. Particularly those that offer multi-caliber configurations to adapt to differing combat conditions.

The FN SCAR has actually been adopted by a number of SOCOM units, so clearly the military also sees some utility in messing around with a weapon that can handle different rounds for different situations. Although, in the case of the SCAR, the whole multi-caliber thing seems to be over stated as the 5.56 and 7.62 variants are technically to different rifles (MK16 and MK17 respectively). Although the parts are apparently 80% interchangeable between the two.

On the other hand there is the Bushmaster ACR (formerly Magpul Masada), which to my knowledge has never been seriously considered by the military. Interestingly enough, this is actually one rifle that can be chambered for multiple rounds (5.56 and 6.8mm Rem SPC). The 6.8mm round has been touted by some as a great intermediary round between 5.56 and 7.62.

"The 6.8x43mm SPC was conceived by a U.S. Special Operations soldier in a quest to improve the terminal ballistics of the M4 Carbine. The U.S. Army Marksmanship Unit and others assisted the Spec Ops team heading the project. Although the main objective was increased lethality, the new cartridge would go far beyond that in terms of accuracy and performance." (From the above article)

You can also check out the commentary at Tom Ricks' post on the subject for some alternate opinions on the subject (at least before the comment thread descends into complete anarchy). From the very first comment (JPWREL):

"What is really needed is a short stroke gas piston design firing a 6.5mm cartridge and around a 100gr. bullet with a superior ballistic coefficient and retained downrange energy than the current M855. Bullet design itself is critical and the new experimental 62gr. bullet being issued to the Marines may be a partial answer in that it is designed more like a modern hunting bullet that contains both penetration and expansion. If NATO could adopt a new round like the one I suggested above using that bullet design it would be bad news for the bad guys."

The Marines' round that he is referencing is discussed here. Apparently they are actually getting these things, but at a fairly slow rate and in limited numbers.

Besides the cost and the political difficulties associated with fielding a new rifle. I wonder how big a deal it is to bring soldiers up to a respectable level of proficiency with any such new weapon. I've only ever fired the M16/M4 family of rifles so I wonder what the learning curve on something new might be.

Anyways, the Times Online article that I linked to at the beginning concludes hilariously with a shout out to the XM25 grenade launcher.

Yeah, I don't think that is going to be the answer.

Not too sure about this one Red Cross

2010-05-26T12:19:00.000-07:00

I hadn't seen this until a fellow butter bar, similarly languishing in boredom already, sent it to me.

ICRC Defends First Aid Training for Taliban

Cardon noted that the ICRC has always "come to the aid of combatants on battlefields" since its creation 150 years ago. He added that it is by "the principle of reciprocity" that the ICRC trains both parties in a conflict.

I think my fellow 2LT pretty much summed up the whole thing by saying that it would be one thing if the Taliban lived up to the Geneva conventions (or even purported to attempt to live up to any of the laws of warfare), but considering they don't, this rests on shaky ground at best.

More here.

More commissioning

2010-05-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

Check it out.

Pretty sweet.

Although I suppose this means I have to come up with a new theme for this blog. I'm thinking 'incredibly high speed adventures of a new, unemployed 2LT'. We'll see if I survive until IOBC in January.

Hopefully I'll have some more pictures from the ceremony once my family posts them on the internet.

For now, I need to get back to laying on the couch, watching Return of the Jedi, and recovering from graduation weekend. It's been real guys.

Commissioning

2010-05-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

Hoya BN Class of 2010 post-commissioning with General Casey. Success.

I'm Back

2010-05-19T14:01:00.000-07:00

Back from the abyss that was finals (and come to think of it, this entire semester in general).

Not really much that I feel like catching up on at this point. We've got commissioning on Friday, so I'll save any sort of big recap for then.

Until then I will leave you with some highlights from what I thought was a very comical and flattering peer review from my fellow ROTC seniors:

ROTC Peer Review Top 5 'Improves':

(all comments taken verbatim minus grammar/spelling corrections because some of you guys need help with that)

5) Can come off as aloof and unapproachable. (multiple similar)
4) Is a little cold to subordinates. (multiple similar)
3) Could be more energetic and less cynical.
2) Sometimes lacks empathy.
1) Ability to read interpersonal situations.

So I'm a socially retarded asshole, is that it?

Thanks guys. I actually take that as a compliment.

Finally

2010-03-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

Last week our RFO's finally came in (maybe it was earlier, I've been suffering from a deluge of work lately and can't remember).

After a few days of thinking that my RFO only contained my PCS to Fort Benning for IOBC, I finally found the following at the bottom:

UPON COMPLETION OF ALL TRAINING
AT FT BENNING YOUR FIRST TENTATIVE ASSIGNMENT WILL BE FT DRUM

Alright, so tentative or not, I'll take this.

Fort Drum and the 10th Mountain Division were at the top of my list of assignments so I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope that things do in fact work out this way.

St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

Too motivated for words. I'll be back sometime next week when I recover.

Best. Post. Ever.

Non Military Solutions Are a Crutch

2010-03-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

O.K., not really, but a friend sent me this article from the New York Times that made me exhibit an old school, mental-breakdown-induced rant.

I have a lot of issues with this article. First and foremost is the notion that it is a great effing idea to just ship a bunch of untrained, inexperienced, but fully idealistic undergrads to attempt to remedy the Afghan malady. Alright, yes, being a cultural ambassador abroad is probably a pretty important thing (this blog makes that case pretty much on its own), and probably something that a lot of college graduates can adequately accomplish with some positive effects.

Not all college graduates though.

However, the author's own experience doesn't exactly convince me that he knows what it takes for a civilian to have a positive impact in Afghanistan. Yes we are suffering somewhat of a crisis of civilian capacity, and I guess it sucks that idealistic grads don't have all the outlets they want to make a difference, but as this article states, those people just aren't needed in Afghanistan at the moment.

The constant jerk part of me also believes that there actually are more opportunities in Afghanistan (and other dangerous places) than the author lets on. I admit that he seems to allow for this:

"But student apathy is not so easily reducible to a question of opportunity – especially at elite liberal universities like Yale and Princeton."

But he then goes on to put the blame (for lack of nonmilitary activist opportunity) on the polarization of society between the civil and military sectors. Sorry, just do not buying this. Not at all.

Maybe its a product of living in D.C. and simultaneously taking part in two programs that basically embody those two sectors. Or maybe it's because I'm a jerk and blame this on something else. For all the idealism that is floating around on the surface of prestigious universities and graduate programs, most people just don't have the freaken balls to go to a hell hole like Afghanistan. This is of course a generalization, but one that is not really touched upon in the article.

I'll never forget the day we had some ass clown undergrad sit in on a class I was taking on terrorism. We were having a discussion precisely on the subject of civilian employment in Afghanistan and he dropped this (paraphrased) gem on the class

"Yeah but it's like a mad house over there, I just don't see how anyone would ever work there for anything less than $70,000 a year"

Had I been a combat veteran, I probably would have just smote his miserable existence from the planet right then and there, but I'm not so I just responded with 'I know a few people who would'. For right or wrong that quote has always tainted my perception of people's willingness to go to a warzone if they aren't in the military. We like to believe that we have a endless reserve of people who just want to do their part in brining about an end to the war, but I just don't buy it. How many of these civilian positions in Afghanistan are filled solely because of the amount of money they pay out? I can't help but think about what happened to the Human Terrain Project (speaking of civil military sector divides) once the money dried up.

My final analysis:

''I go to Yale and lead discussions about politics and thus, I am super qualified to comment on how great it would be to send completely untrained and inexperienced [redacted] college grads to a war zone to fuck shit up worse than the State Department already is"

Just kiding. But not really.

Dear Lord

2010-03-12T07:47:00.000-08:00

I don't think I can impartially comment on the possibility of lifting the ban on alcohol for troops deployed overseas. My love for beer far surpasses my ability to properly reason my way through an argument.

All I can say is that I would rather see troops use a beer for stress relief than jenkem.

I will never forget the day my airborne instructors had to take us aside and lecture us on the hazards of purposefully inhaling our own partially fermented waste. But apparently enough people do this downrange to make it necessary for airborne instructors to have to point that out ...

And now to Fox News on the cutting edge:

Best. Quote. Ever

2010-03-12T07:23:00.000-08:00

I didn't even read this entire article. I just stopped after I got to this quote and decided the rest of the article couldn't possibly live up to it:

I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I am begging you, with tears in my eyes, if you fuck with me, I will kill you all.

-General James Mattis to some Baathist dudes during Fallujah

I love this quote. Did you guys know about this quote and not tell me? Because I will be pissed if you guys knew about this and didn't tell me.

Oh by the Way..

2010-03-06T15:30:00.000-08:00

I had meant to post this earlier, but better to post later than never.

I came across the following photo of Admiral Mullen whilst feverishly refreshing AKO in the vain hopes that my RFO would magically appear in my inbox.

Lookin' sharp, Sir.

As much as I complain about the current ACU, this is just absurd. Amazingly enough the Navy has found a way to make the Army's ACU look totally bad ass. That has got to be simply the worst looking uniform I have ever seen in my life. Wings Over Iraq already commented on these monstrosities and I particularly like the following quote,

'Something tells me that if we'd seen Maverick and Goose wearing these things in Top Gun, no one would want to join the Navy to fly F-14s.'

O.K., back to Led Zeppelin and beer. Happy Saturday.

Fantastic

2010-03-06T13:51:00.000-08:00

Happy weekend, and happy Spring Break to the Georgetown crowd.

While I am a consummate loser and will not be participating in Spring Break (not because I am too old, too mature, or have real life responsibilities that preclude me from doing so, but because I procrastinated on my mid term papers), it is 51 degrees in the District today. Therefor, you can find me on my front porch blasting Led Zeppelin and drinking as much beer as I can get my hands on.

Aside from the fact that I STILL have not received my request for orders (I'm now assuming I'm either getting reassigned to Delta Force or stationed on the Moon), today is shaping up to be a pretty kick ass day. Here's some other stuff that kicks ass today:

Kick ass news of the day:

The Taliban and Hezb-i-Islam are killing each other. Suck failure freaks.

Kick ass picture of the day (Thanks to Tom for letting me steal this from his Google Buzz thing):

In Soviet Russia, guitar plays you!

Kick ass cadet request for orders of the day:

c/MAJ Thomas being assigned to Ft. Wainright! Home of America's Arctic Warriors!

Lolz. Enjoy!

O.K., so the Wainright thing will probably only be funny until I get my orders and get assigned to god only knows where, but I'll have my fun while I still can.

Enjoy the weekend.

Suck Ass at Land Nav? There's an App for that.

2010-03-03T20:11:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I'm finally starting to hear rumblings of military focused applications for my beloved iphone.

I was pretty pumped about the prospects for this, but apparently the current crop isn't quiet up to snuff. My cursory search of google has yielded less than spectacular results. Actually, don't even bother going to that link, one of the top rated apps is entitled 'Fart Army'. Christ.

The one possibly useful thing I have managed to find for myself has been a GPS app called Motion X. I find it worthwhile mainly because it is cheep and includes some MGRS functionality. I haven't put it to any practical application just yet, but I think it holds some promise (although now I might have to start confiscating iphones prior to land navigation courses..).

Fortunately, more goodness seems to be on the way. Apparently even DARPA is getting in on the action.

Anyone else know of any current apps that aren't completely devoid of military utility?

Nutrition is a Force Multiplier

2010-03-02T12:49:00.000-08:00

Nothing quiet sums up being in college and ROTC like sitting down in the comfort of your own home and eating a MRE entree left over from the weekend's training because you are too poor/lazy to go buy more food.

Using actual dinning room utensils to eat said MRE is also a nice touch.

Bonus points for anyone who can figure out which MRE this actually is. (Hint: it's not beef stew)

More DC Conference Goodness

2010-02-22T17:28:00.000-08:00

I love simply reposting emails that I receive regarding DC area conferences (thanks Kevin).

Anyways, Monday 1MAR from 3:30 to 5:30 pm, GW will be hosting an event entitled: The Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan: Journalistic Challenges

The event is moderated by Marc Lynch and features the likes of Rajiv Chandrasekaran, so it should make for an interesting discussion. Anyone interested should RSVP using the above link.

Now back to staring dumbly at a blank word document hoping that papers will write themselves.

Multicam Sucks Ass

2010-02-18T13:18:00.000-08:00

Contrary to multiple reports, the United States Army will NOT be adopting multicam as the service uniform for Afghanistan.

While the Army will indeed be abandoning ACU's in the Afghan theater, it will not replace them with any of the previously considered options. In fact, years of closely guarded research and development on behalf of DARPA have yielded two combat service uniforms vastly superior to everything previously conceived.

Allegedly, following months of debate, the final decision was reached after an impassioned speech by Defense Secretary Robert Gates established beyond a shadow of a doubt that Boba Fett is far more bad ass than the Master Chief.

Thus, effective immediately, the new Army service uniform for Afghanistan will be:

Mandalorian Super-Commando Armor

Yes, Mandalorian armor narrowly beat out the MAJONIR Mark VI, and will now be worn by all U.S. Army personnel in Afghanistan. Even the dudes chilling at the super FOB all day. Although in their case the flame throwers and poison dart launchers will be replaced with that clicker thing that makes powerpoint go. Oh, and they clearly don't get a jet pack either.

Happy President's Day

2010-02-15T14:59:00.000-08:00

And so, with the cancelation of a federal holiday, officially ends the epic 2010 DC/Georgetown snowmagedon bender. I say bender because I assume that nobody else found anything to do for the last 7-10 days besides drink blinding amounts of alcohol at Tombs or in their dorm room, alone, in the dark.

In commemoration, enjoy Hitler's reaction to the end of snowpocalypse:

We're Saved!

2010-02-10T12:17:00.000-08:00

This is too perfect to even need to comment on.

If only I had discovered this about a week ago before the panic stricken D.C. masses had looted all of the local grocery stores.

Behold (h/t: Soldier Systems):

Come to think of it, there really isn't anything more tactical than bacon.

It's only $16!

Fucking stock up now before the next end of the world scenario impacts the nation's capital.

More Snowpocalypse

2010-02-09T10:56:00.000-08:00

At first I thought it was amusing to watch the Washington DC area people frantically prepare for the rapture that was to be last weekend's blizzard.

However, with 10-20 more inches possibly on the way, and the structural integrity of my roof in serious question, I'm starting to buy into the hype. We are all fucking dead.

This is literally the most fucked up DC has been since Fallout 3.

ACU's Suck Ass

2010-02-08T20:08:00.000-08:00

Wings over Iraq and Strike - Hold! have both rekindled my interest in camo, and more specifically, following the inevitable decline of the Army Combat Uniform.

Unfortunately, all I really have to add is a few pictures that prove that two of the proposed replacements for the ACU's have actually made it to Afghanistan.

Unknown (to me) unit sporting multicam in Afghanistan.

82nd ABN sporting UCP Delta in Afghanistan.

Those of you who actually picked up the hard copy of the Army Times featuring LTC Frank Jenio on the front page may have noticed that he was wearing the 'shit brown ACU' (UCP Delta) pattern as well (I suppose since he was also with the 82nd..).

Most people were generally more concerned over why he got fired, but I home right in on pointless minutia like what kind of uniform he was wearing. 'Cuz that's just how I roll.

Accountability

2010-02-06T18:13:00.000-08:00

This is what happens to your Saturday night when someone fails to maintain accountability over the ever important ROTC 'rubber ducks' (plastic replica M16's). We either lost one at our last FTX, or never had a proper count of them in the first place, so the entire senior class spent Saturday night inventorying every last fake piece of equipment in the supply room (not including a fake M249 that was cobbled together using wooden blocks and glue). Hooah.

Oh yes, and happy Snowpocalypse to anyone living in the DC area. I'm looking forward to total lawlessness in the streets this evening.

Get your beer case snow shoes ready. There are no rules when it snows.

Panic Mode

2010-02-04T20:38:00.000-08:00

Cadets across America seem to have just received the news of their BOLC dates This essentially being when they will start their next round of training following graduating ROTC and commissioning as 2LT's.

The reaction to each individual cadet's own BOLC date seems to be pretty evenly distributed between one of elation and one of complete, utter, and crushing defeat.

I, with an IOBC date of 03JAN11, most definitely fall into the later category.

With this date, not only do I face the possibility of 8, trodden, meaningless months between graduation and beginning any further Army training, I am also apparently ineligible to work as random 2LT slave labor at LDAC or LTC. Thus, while technically a commissioned officer in the United States Army, I will not be paid, belong to a unit, or really do anything of noteworthy significance for over half a year.

Thus brings about the even more horrifying possibility, that I may actually be forced to find a civilian job. Right now, this is literally the most abhorrent concept I can possibly imagine. If I remember correctly, 6 months of civilian jobs after undergrad is what drove me to enlist in the Army in the first place. The very thought of restarting that process again in just three months is enough to make me wish I had branched Chemical Corp for an earlier BOLC date.

And so begins my new quest to either weasel my way into an earlier BOLC date through harassing Human Resources Command, or whore myself out to any ROTC program in the country willing to accept my services as a recruiter.

I would have thought that in the midst of two wars, it would be a bit easier to get into the Army without a mandatory 8 month lay over, but what the hell do I know?

HRC'd

2010-02-01T18:49:00.000-08:00

So last Friday our cadre rounded our asses up and shipped us down to Human Resource Command down in Alexandria for a fun filled afternoon of god only knows what.

Really, I don't know exactly what I was supposed to take away from that, but apparently putting a face to a name is somehow critical in ensuring we all do not get epically screwed over when HRC finally start processing us, so we do it like good little monkeys.

Anyways, in an attempt to feel like it wasn't a complete waste of my afternoon, I'll share the resources that my branch manager (or whatever they are called) gave to us:

www.usapa.army.mil - Resource for Army Manuals in PDF form. Also recommended was reading one chapter per day, five days a week, starting with FM 3-0.

www.tacticallanguage.com - Recommended over Rosetta Stone for the military.

www.platoonleader.org - Pretty much everyone should know about this already. AKO required.

http://hbr.org/ - Recommended as a resource for some more cutting edge counseling techniques above and beyond what might be taught by the military.

Yup, that's pretty much all I got out of it. Hooah.

At any rate, practically two years later, my mom sent me the photos from my basic training graduation. Booya.

Sick of the Tribal Narrative

2010-01-26T18:29:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to post something in response to the recent tsunami of interest/obsession with the Afghan tribal narrative for awhile now. I'm sick of Steven Pressfield (of all people) acting as though this is the most wonderfully simple solution to our problems in that country.

Unfortunately for me, that ship has sailed.

Ghosts of Alexander already posted what has to be the most righteous beat down of the tribal narrative humanly possible. That post is long, but read it and think about it, because it is important for anyone studying Afghanistan.

In case that hasn't helped to extinguish your reverence for MAJ James Gant, you can check this out as well. There are a few more links contained within that post that should also contribute to a more nuanced approach to the tribal narrative.

I don't claim to be an expert on Afghanistan by any means, but just like anything else, when one line of thinking begins to dominate the debate only bad things can happen.

If anything, I agree that the dumbed down tribal stuff can suffice as a means of cultural awareness for our soldiers.

Mr Pressfield, less tribes, more Spartan badassitude, please.

Embarrasing

2010-01-22T18:36:00.000-08:00

Well certain members of my current educational institution made a mockery of themselves at General Petraeus' speech yesterday. I don't have time to comment extensively at the moment, but its good to see students at a supposedly top tier school for international relations airing their grievances in such a profoundly ignorant way.

They have their right to say whatever they want, sure. However to read off the names of civilians killed (supposedly by coalition forces) to a general who has helped ushered in rules of engagement that put US forces at increased risk specifically to stop this from happening is pretty mind blowing to me. Whatever, feel free to disagree ...

And in case you are interested, CNN ran a short bit on the speech as well. Here are the Gtown related pieces:

The critics came at Petraeus's last event on Thursday, a speech at Georgetown University's main campus, where he once did a fellowship. Just as he was beginning his remarks, a young man, apparently a student, stood up and shouted about the dead civilians killed by the war in Afghanistan. Petraeus stood by silently as the young man who began reading the names of dead Afghan civilians, was warned to stop and then led away.

As Petraeus resumed speaking, another protestor began loudly reading more names of the dead. This time Petraeus calmly said "I hope that there is equal attention given to the casualties caused by the Taliban."

The general later pointed out that he and the rest of the military fight to defend the right of Americans to exercise their freedom of speech.

All told the early part of the event was stopped six times by protestors angry about the war and about Georgetown University, which was founded by Jesuit priests of the Roman Catholic Church, inviting Petraeus.

At one point, a large number of people in the audience of about 700 tried to drown out the protestors by chanting "USA! USA!" Petraeus seemed unfazed by the protests. The demonstrators, about 10 in all, were led out by university police without the need of force or handcuffs.

After a stern warning from a university official, the protestors inside the hall were quiet. Petraeus even finished telling a joke, pointing out that he believes one should not "take yourself too seriously" even while taking your duties seriously.

Oh ya, that part about considering how many civilians the Taliban has killed?

Roasted.

Go freaking educate yourselves.

Fail

2010-01-21T16:26:00.000-08:00

A disturbing trend is developing whereby I title roughly 1/6 of my posts 'Fail'.

Most recently, I failed to get into David Petreaus' event today at Georgetown. I made the mistake of showing up only 20 minutes early to find the line out the door and all signs pointing to the venue being past capacity. I also brought my backpack to the event, which the invite clearly told me not to do. Fail.

Anyways, I'm interested to see if anything of substance was actually said at this conference (because I have my doubts).

Until them, I will devise a way to not fail at going to this event at CNAS.

Unlike the General's event, this actually has a description:

To respond to a rapidly changing strategic environment and an ever-growing array of demands, the U.S. military must develop and maintain a high degree of adaptability within its officer corps. Indeed, America relies on its armed forces to perform a wider variety of functions than any other nation in history, and existing methods of training and education may not be sufficient to cultivate the officer corps America will need in the future. In addition to demonstrating a high degree of proficiency in conventional military operations, officers should also develop broader skill sets and knowledge to cope with a more complicated and rapidly evolving international environment.

On February 9, the Center for a New American Security (CNAS) will release a major report at an event on how the United States can revitalize its military officer corps to meet current national security challenges, and those that lie ahead. General James N. Mattis, USMC, Commander of U.S. Joint Forces Command, will deliver the keynote address, in addition to distinguished panel of experts who will offer their perspective on this important issue, including: Rear Admiral James P. “Phil” Wisecup, USN, President of the Naval War College; Major General Charles J. Dunlap, Jr., USAF, Deputy Judge Advocate General at U.S. Air Force Headquarters; Lieutenant General David Barno, USA (Ret.), Director, Near East South Asia Center for Strategic Studies at National Defense University; and Dr. John Nagl, President of CNAS.

Random Reading Notes

2010-01-20T18:51:00.001-08:00

Well, my professor for 'Islam in post-Soviet Central Asia' seems to have failed to post any readings on Blackboard, so without further complaint I think I'll order random crap off of Amazon:

First on my list is this book, which will hopefully allow me to make sense of all those asinine references to Alexander in Afghanistan that every other mainstream media source haphazardly throws around (by make sense of I mean be able to properly talk shit about on slightly more intellectual grounds).

At any rate it comes highly recommended by the Ghosts of Alexander blog, which has yet to let me down with anything related to Afghanistan. Of course, every time I mention this blog from now on, I feel obligated to mention the greatest Afghanistan resource on the freaken planet (I wrote a 30 page paper last semester pretty much using this exclusively).

Anyways, I hope to get to the book on Alexander somewhere between finishing Bing West's: The Village and becoming hopelessly crushed by work mid semester.

Rounding out my recent reading list was Tim Pritchard's: Ambush Alley. All I can say about this book was that it reminded me of a recent blog post from On Violence, in which an Army officer recounts an experience as an ROTC cadet being scared shitless by the movie Black Hawk Down. Well, this book did exactly that to me. Scared the living shit out of me. I suggest any new Infantry or Armor types consider giving this one a whirl. Georgetown peeps, you can borrow mine and let me know what you think.

Petraeus at Georgetown

2010-01-19T19:33:00.000-08:00

For those not already aware, General Petraeus will be speaking this at 4:00pm this Thursday at Georgetown's Gaston Hall. You have to be a current student in order to get in, but it is available for viewing here.

The only description I have readily available is biographical in nature, so I think everyone is probably all set with that.

It's General Petraeus, just watch it.

Very Nice

2010-01-06T12:25:00.000-08:00

This came up on my buddy's blog from Iraq today.

I thought it was very heartwarming and a welcome relief from all the crap news we've already had so far in 2010.

More Cave Man Stuff

2010-01-06T12:01:00.000-08:00

So I just got back from the Safeway with around $120 worth of food that, to the best of my knowledge, satisfies the Paleo Diet criteria.

So far I might be in a lot of trouble because I a) suck at cooking, and b) have no intentions whatsoever of giving up alcohol (this is my last semester as a college ... er grad school student, to hell with that). But I'm going to give it my best go for as long as possible (I hear that's the best approach to successful resolutions of any kind).

For all of you who are still hating on this, compare the above link with this and start drawing some obvious conclusions.

That's not to say I have any delusions about becoming some uber-bad ass prehistoric freak show overnight, but I definitely believe that outrunning a horse is feasible within a month or two.

New Years

2010-01-05T13:55:00.001-08:00

Alright, I don't usually do the whole resolution thing (in fact, I can't remember the last time I actually made a New Years resolution, and am certain I have never kept one), but I think I'm going to try this year.

No, its not going to be blog more often (although we are getting into my busy season, ie. that in which blogging interferes with work rather than endless drinking in Boston's North End).

It's totally going to be to eat like a caveman.

I know I am going to catch an unprecedented amount of crap from all of my buddies for implying that I am going on a diet for a resolution (I can practically hear KevDev's voice in my head at this very moment suggesting I run a marathon instead), but screw it, the paleo eating thing has me intrigued.

Besides, I was actually struck by the following excerpt from a blog called Barbells and Bacon (h/t to Crispin via google reader):

Brown Rice, cereal bars, Kashi cereal, tortillas, whole wheat bread, most Paleo baked goods, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Coke Plus, Gatorade, Poweraid, Muscle Milk, South Beach bars, Zone bars, protein bars, “Light and Fit” Yogurt, Michelob Ultra, granola, Go Lean Plus, frozen yogurt, Splenda, turkey bacon, canned soup, ketchup, anything with Soy, almost anything at Starbucks, low fat milk, low fat ice cream, low fat peanut butter, margarine, veggie burgers, low sodium soy sauce, and ALMOST ANYTHING FROM JAMBA JUICE.

Why are these dangerous? Because you can tell yourself they are healthy. It is easy to eat things like this every day and not think twice about it. You can’t eat Christmas cookies every day and kid yourself into thinking you are eating well. You can drink Diet Coke and eat Kashi everyday and be totally convinced that you “eat pretty healthy”.

Why do I find this interesting/distressing? Because that is what I do literally every day, with MOST of those foods. The only non-distressing part about it for me was the fact that the only beer listed is Michelob Vitamin Water, which means my mainstays are good to go.

But seriously, am I eating like shit without knowing it, or is this just a load of crap?

I guess I should qualify my resolution by saying it is my intent to look into this further and do it if it seams feasible. Here's a few more things I'm going to read in order to make my determination. However, any comments, thoughts or forceful verbal beatings about how cowardly it is to diet for New Years are welcome as well.

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T10:42:00.000-08:00

Title says it all.

Nothing better than enjoying a few ludicrously aggressive beers, eating food and watching football all day.

Today's desire to drink tons of beers sponsored by this video:

Happy Thanksgiving.

Merica!

2009-11-20T13:30:00.001-08:00

Alright, I had to steal this, its just too freaken perfect:

By FAR the best part is that Africa is completely absent. At least we recognize the landmass that is Canada, if not the people who occupy that area.

Stolen from this blog, which I found via this blog.

It's Friday, sue me.

Nevermind

2009-11-18T13:29:00.000-08:00

Nevermind, I'm not a beast.

This guy is: http://sports.espn.go.com/boston/news/story?id=4665732

That story was posted on Facebook by a friend up in Boston. I think I may have actually met the guy featured in this article during some drunken rampage up around Southie, but regardless, this stuff is pretty amazing.

Read and be inspired.

Beasted

2009-11-18T12:54:00.000-08:00

Well we just had the seniors' attempt at the Army Physical Fitness Test (always a rather depressing event), so I thought I would link to some fitness stuff in honor of me being a complete and utter beast.

Behold: http://www.militaryathlete.com/index.php

Behold: http://www.julescrittenden.com/2009/11/16/fit-for-combat/

[update] Behold: http://www.militaryathlete.com/page.php?page_ID=43

Go forth and and dominate.

Now... where shall I go this weekend to ensure that all that work goes completely to waste?

Jesus Killed Mohammed

2009-11-17T10:10:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading an article entitled Jesus Killed Mohammed: The Crusade for a Christian Military by Jeff Sharlet for one of my courses. I have to say that I am fairly shocked by the article, mainly because I have never really experienced any of this sense of religious fundamentalism during my brief indoctrination into the military. However, at the same time I think its a fascinating and perhaps timely piece given the increased sense of introspection with regards to religious identity that has come across the military lately.

Here are a few excerpts that I found particularly interesting:

1) Humphrey headed down from the roof to get a briefing. He found his lieutenant, John D. DeGiulio, with a couple of sergeants. They were snickering like schoolboys. They had commissioned the Special Forces interpreter, an Iraqi from Texas, to paint a legend across their Bradley's armor, in giant red Arabic script.

"What's it mean?" asked Humphrey.

"Jesus killed Mohammed," one of the men told him. The soldiers guffawed. JESUS KILLED MOHAMMED was about to cruise into the Iraqi night.

2) "God has told me to become an Infantry officer," Butcher said, explaining his decision to transfer from the Air Force to the Army upon gradation. A pilot has only his plane to talk to; an infantry officer, said Butcher, has men told mold, Iraqis to convert. "Everything is a form of ministry for me," Butcher said. "There is no separation. I'm doing what God has called me to do, to know Him and to make Him known."

3) The most zealous among the new generation of fundamentalist chaplains didn't join to serve the military; they came to save its soul.

4) "[General Petraeus] is promoting this unconstitutional Christian exceptionalism at precisely the same time we're fighting Islamic fundamentalists who are telling their soldiers that America is waging a modern-day crusade. That is a crusade."

5) What would he do if he ever received an order that contradicted his faith?

Hrabak look shocked. He giggled, then composed himself and took a big bite of pizza, speaking confidently through his food. "Impossible, dude. I mean, I guess it could happen. But I highly doubt it."

What if he was ordered to bomb a building in which terrorists were hiding, even though there were civilians in the way?

He shook his head. "Who are you to question why God builds up nations just to destroy them, so that those who are in grace can see that they're in grace?"

You can take a quick look at the article and draw your own conclusions. Like I said, I've never encountered anything quite like this in the short time I've been in the Army. However, I think the negative consequences that trends such as these could have on the military are pretty obvious and far reaching.

We are REAL dumb

2009-11-16T16:34:00.000-08:00

Nothing major to report from our weekend FTX down at Fort AP Hill, although I did document arguably the two most important training events.

They are, in order of how hilarious they are to me:

1) Kev Dev's first ever attempt at negotiating Copenhagen.

Not documented is what resulted roughly five minutes later: two instances of projectile vomiting and complete loss of command and control over the three squads of MSIII cadets conducting MOUT operations in the town below us.

2) Another first ever attempt: Australian repelling with similarly dismal results.

Working in time for our seniors to act like jack asses is a continuing priority in planning and executing all training events moving forward.

As an unrelated aside ... Punt. The. Ball. Please.

Ugh.

Yes, Multicam is a Go

2009-11-13T11:30:00.000-08:00

While the rest of the BN rolls out for a fun filled weekend at Fort AP Hill, I'm preparing to endure what is sure to be an epic geekfest at Georgetown as dozens of MA students voluntarily sacrifice their Saturday morning to take part in a war game scenario put on by my Crisis Decision making class.

So while everyone else takes part in MOUT training and peppers younger cadets with paint balls, I'll be serving sandwiches and coffee to people who choose to role play Hugo Chavez at 0900 on a Saturday. I'll probably get down to AP Hill just in time to watch two hours of cadet drill and ceremony go down.

Sweet deal.

In better news, it looks like Multicam is finally making its way to the troops in Afghanistan (ht/Bouhamer). I'm a geek when it comes to camo, and I hate ACU's, so I'm fairly excited by this.

I'm also excited that they are apparently giving Cav units the 'shit brown ACU' uniform (see above). Suck it down guys-who-branched-armor.

Not that it wasn't before, but posting over the next few weeks may be sparse due to the fact that the ROTC semester is winding down and thus the familiar onslaught of 'real' school work will probably be figuratively punching me in the groin starting Monday.

Horrible.

Lazy

2009-11-09T16:44:00.000-08:00

I don't really have the intellectual motivation to post anything that requires thought on my part.

Therefor, enjoy this video on the Surge that I found at Abu Muqawamma (who, much to my chagrin, my house mate got to meet while I did not):

Understanding the Surge from ISW on Vimeo.

Since everyone who reads my stuff probably already reads Abu Muqawamma, there might have been no point to posting this. But I feel productive when I post things, no matter how asinine they might be.

More ACU Debate Material

2009-11-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, I would like to join the rest of the country in condolence for the people at Fort Hood. Just awful.

In more news to take my mind off more important matters, I haven't heard much from the Army's uniform debate in awhile.

However, my buddy sent this link regarding a new camo system which has apparently drawn some interest as a replacement for the much bemowned ACU pattern.

I don't have time to really get into it, but I'd say this falls into the same category that many camo options do. That is to say, it looks freaken sweet, seems very functional, and will probably not be chosen as the next Army combat uniform because it is not the WORST POSSIBLE CHOICE.

Surprise, cockbags!

Anyways, here's a picture of a dude sporting the stuff who apparently buys into another of the Army's equipment debates.

Thanks to KevDev for the link. He only hopes he can look as cool as this guy one day.

Ludicrous

2009-11-05T11:12:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting here trying to piece together the shattered remnants of what is supposed to be a plan to conduct land navigation at Fort Belvoir this Saturday.

My Monster energy drink is failing me miserably, and the girl sitting next to me at the library is playing some computer game that seems to involve clicking ferociously to make a dressed up anime bunny jump rope (at the Georgetown University library mind you).

I want to head butt a puppy.

But, since I can't, I'm going to take a break and post something mindless ... again.

I don't know who I was speaking with about this, but sometime last week I was having a conversation about the military's idea of a 'gay bomb'.

And wouldn't you know it, I saw it referenced today in an article on Danger Room. Coincidence? I think not.

Alright, I would love to elaborate, but ROTC land demands my time.

Synopsis: 1) the military toyed around with the idea of weaponizing homosexuality in order to incapasitate enemy troops 2) I had a conversation about it last week 3) I saw it referenced on a web site today.

The End.

Oh yeah, check out this post as well about the military's LSD testing. Not quite as humorous as gay bombing the Taliban, but they made a movie out of that one.

Random Thoughts for the Day

2009-11-02T14:20:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday to everyone. Hope everyone survived the madness of Halloween weekend.

This afternoon I was talking to my buddy and fellow future Infantry officer who completed the NYC marathon on Sunday. The topic of conversation centered mainly around how badly it sucked ass to finish the race after reaching muscle failure around mile 17, and the fact that such a suckfest will surely not even compare to the inevitable sucktacular that will be Ranger School.

So in that vain, two random bits on Ranger School:

1) Here's a video of Craig Mullaney on the Daily Show speaking on what got him through Ranger School, and the fact that it definitely sucked more than deployment to Afghanistan:

2) And here is a link to a book that I will read in an attempt to shame myself into properly preparing for Ranger School. This isn't your dad's anthropology. It's anthropology for men, MANTHROPOLOGY.

More to follow in the future, but for now I still have plenty to catch up on after the weekend's debauchery.

Civil Affairs fail number 2

2009-10-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

Just perusing the old Facebook before bed and noticed a status update of one of my fellow 38B AIT classmates who is currently deployed in Iraq. It read:

There are much more important things in life than helping the Iraqis: 1. Video Games 2. Eating Pizza 3. Sleeping

subsequent follow up comments (at least one of which was another 38B I knew at Bragg) read:

4. Porn

5. Pooping after a big meal

6. Getting Drunk

True warrior diplomats. Thoughts anyone?

Afghanistan in Photo

2009-10-29T07:16:00.000-07:00

Observe (h/t Bouhammer):

Afghanistan Today: A Photo Essay by U.S. Army National Guard Staff Sgt. Russell Lee Klika

Quite interesting.

Uhm, Holy Crap

2009-10-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

Yah, I'll continue to use that title until I get sick of it, deal with it.

Check it out (h/t Ricks):

Woah.

COP Keating Video

2009-10-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

Continuing the general theme of debacles in Afghanistan, I came across a video that provides a pretty good look at the makeup of the now infamous COP Keating.

There's the obvious point to be made that this outpost is completely surrounded by elevated terrain.

I was also surprised to see some of the types of amenities that this outpost was sporting. Maybe they couldn't get heated shitters on top of the hills or something.

Anyways, I found the video at The Captain's Journal, which always seems to have interesting media to peruse. Enjoy.

[update] After conversing on this video with a buddy of mine I came to the conclusion that if you watch this video after reading The Defense of Jisr al Dorea you might be able to make a lot of determinations regarding how jacked up this place was.

Oh, the Onion

2009-10-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

I can't decide whether or not to be depressed, angry, or just piss my pants laughing at this article.

Essentially the article lauds the United States' continuing efforts to turn Afghanistan into the most epic debacle in quite some time.

Here are a few absolutely priceless quotes contained within:

"We've made a complete mess of local institutions, and moving forward this substantial lack of infrastructure will be the cornerstone of our strategy to ensure long-term chaos in the Afghanistan-Pakistan region. I couldn't be happier with our progress. This place is a complete clusterfuck."

- Defense Secretary Gates

"Together, we can make Afghanistan into a nightmarish hell-scape Americans will regret for generations to come."

- President Obama

"Some say the war in Afghanistan is already a quagmire, being as it's gone on for eight years and the situation on the ground continues to rapidly deteriorate. But I know we can do better. There are still dozens of tribal allies to alienate, troop morale could sink even lower, to the point of mutiny, and by continuing to fire a bunch of missiles from unmanned predator drones we have the opportunity to scare the living shit out of every last civilian in the region."

- General McChrystal

"Our nation is already impossibly fragmented, but I believe the United States has the ability to make things even worse here. Afghanistan has a proud, ancient tradition of quagmires: Soviet Russia, the British Empire, Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan. These are big shoes to fill, but if anyone can do it, these foolish Americans can."

- Anonymous Tribal Leader

Weak.

Branch'd!

2009-10-26T17:11:00.000-07:00

So our Ranger Challenge competition down in Fayettenam is in the books and we've finally been given our branches. Clearly I'm sitting on the couch recovering from a lovely Sunday spent skulling beers in celebration.

Point A: Ranger Challenge

We pretty much got stomped. Returning regional champions get completely shut out, bringing home a grand total of 0 streamers for individual events. The sole silver lining seems to be that we were one of only 5 teams that actually completed the 10k ruck run in under 90 minutes. Unfortunately only the top 4 teams got anything to show for their efforts. Shafted! In more bad news, my buddy's school, George Mason University, absolutely cleaned house, winning like a million streamers and taking 1st place overall in the competition. This was after I talked SO much shit about how Georgetown was going to take them to the shed. Fail!

High speed killing machines getting ready to suck for 10k in rain and sand.

Point B: Branching

So our PMS was waiting for us at the finish line of the 10k wielding knowledge of what exactly all of us would be doing for the next 4-7 years of our lives. Out of three seniors, two of us branched Infantry and the other branched Armor (although he will tell you he branched Cavalry, which is, of course, false). I think all three of us just about had a heart attack (a combination of sucking for 90 minutes on our run, and really not wanting to hear the wrong thing come out of the colonel's mouth) right before finding out. Fortunately these were all three of our first choices. I'm not sure that the total magnitude of this development has dawned on me yet. After all, I did branch Infantry primarily because of this video (as opposed to something more akin this video). I'm sure I'll revisit what it means to have branched Infantry once I determine for myself what exactly that is (besides freaken awesome).

Clearly this immediately became my new Facebook picture.

Point C: Skulling beers

And what better way to celebrate than immediately going home and spending all day Sunday making Bud Lights disappear and ceremoniously forcing younger cadets to eat raw onions? My only concern is that I'm starting to seriously question my own manhood with regard to my drinking selections. Last night consisted of such sad ass crap as sweat tea vodka (?!) and Bud Light Wheat. Meanwhile my buddy picked up a pounder of something called Max Fury (!!!). Owned. Alright, I'm gonna go bench and do some Skoal (or maybe some of this) to try to make up the difference.

Future leaders of the most powerful Army the earth has ever known.

Peace Prize: Beasted

2009-10-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

O.K., worst Nobel Peace prize ever, Obama or Henry Kissenger?

Probably a pretty easy call, but whiskey tango foxtrot?

What am I missing here?

2009-10-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

Alright, so maybe I am a bit impatient to see some decisive action out of the commander in chief. I should probably show a bit more appreciation for the desire to get things right amongst the litany of complicating factors in Afghanistan (see above). And hey, we seem to have made some progress in some direction today.

But what is REALLY bothering me lately is this: the recognition by pretty much everyone that effective (ie: legitimate, not ridiculously corrupt) government is one of the primary keystones of successful counterinsurgency, and the complete lack of any real method to reform the Afghan government.

Alright, Kilcullen does provide some suggestion:

Only a legitimately elected Afghan president can enact reforms, so at the very least we need to see a genuine run-off election or an emergency national council, called a loya jirga, before winter. Once a legitimate president emerges, we need to see immediate action from him on a publicly announced reform program, developed in consultation with Afghan society and enforced by international monitors. Reforms should include firing human rights abusers and drug traffickers, establishing an independent authority to investigate citizen complaints and requiring officials to live in the districts they are responsible for (fewer than half do).

Other steps might include a census and district-level elections (promised since 2001, but never held), fair and effective taxation to replace kickbacks and extortion, increased pay to diligent local officials, the transfer of more budgetary authority to the provinces and the creation of local courts for dispute resolution.

But is there any indication at all that the government is even considering such measures? Or are we, as Gregg Carlstrom suggests, simply allowing one of our major strategic options to hinge on the hope that the Afghan government will somehow reform itself?

I like Carlstrom's incorporation of Press Secretary Robert Gibbs' contribution to the debate (in fact, I like his whole article as it sums up my feelings entirely) :

Well, look, you have to ensure, as we dedicate more resources, that you have that type of partner; that actions are taken to ensure that there's confidence and credibility. I think many of us read the story today about -- from -- I think it's from -- my numbers may be a tad off on this, but from 2002 to 2008, two generals in Pakistan mentioned that of the six, more than -- a little bit more than $6 billion that was to go to aid the Pakistani army, approximately $500 million reached its intended target. I don't think it's any wonder that our efforts, particularly based on aiding the Pakistan army over that time period, was seen as not altogether very successful -- and now we know why. We have to ensure that we have a partner that is capable of partnering with us as we go through this.

Ya, alright. You know what that makes me think of?

Minus the part where Mel Gibson comes in and solves the problem.

Getting to be about that time

2009-10-06T18:11:00.000-07:00

As many of you probably already know, another U.S. outpost recently came under heavy attack by insurgent forces, drawing inevitable comparisons to the Wanat situation outlined in the last post.

There have been several accounts of this already in the media, but I chose this one for the following quote from an embeded reporter:

Some of the injured refused to be MEDEVACED out of the combat zone and continued to fight despite their wounds, according to soldiers at the base. Soldiers told the MEDEVAC crew that troops were donating blood during the battle, so it could be transfused into wounded comrades.

There has been a lot of debate raging over the proper strategy moving forward, but I think the discourse has largely failed to (at least explicitly) appreciate the realities facing these guys on the ground. In my opinion its getting real close the point where our troops are owed some sort of firm commitment by higher. And that is being REAL generous to our policymakers.

Gut Check

2009-10-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

The Washington Post is running a piece on the Battle of Wanat that is pretty well done. Even if you are already familiar with Wanat through other sources (ie: Tom Ricks), I would suggest checking this out.

Yes, this was my choice of article one day after branch choices closed. Deal with it.

Anyways, I personally need some motivation this morning so I stole this from a post on The Captain's Journal:

Why can't population-centric COIN respect the sheer bad-assitude of this?

Back in Action

2009-10-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the dearth of posts recently. I've been in the grad school/ROTC hurt box as of late (likely due to the fact that I wasted my entire Monday taking a 'personal day' on the porch).

The only reasonably significant news in ROTC is that, barring any last minute epiphanies, we've all finalized our branch selections. A few of us may have undergone significant emotional experiences over the past week or so. However, the drama is over and for better or worse, our fates are sealed as of Monday.

I haven't revealed my branch choice yet. Partially because I feel like it could impact on another cadet's choice, and partially because I like to feel as though people are desperately interested in knowing. At any rate, we should know what we ended up getting in a few weeks at which point I will keep you informed.

Unless I get Chem Corps, in which case you might not hear from me for awhile.

A Deuce and a Half of Epic Drinking Greatness

2009-09-24T18:04:00.000-07:00

So I'm working away like a good little monkey when Google Chat pops up with this:

Chris: Dawson and I are slugging guinness on guinness' 250 birthday at an irish pub listening to dirty old town played live.

Holy crap, I almost missed Guinness' birthday?! Blasphemy!

Fortunately (or not) I had an emergency supply in the mini fridge located conveniently in my living room. So I immediately run over and pour what has to the the WORST glass of Guinness ever witnessed by this earth:

Epic Fail.

This is the effect achieved when pouring a bottled Guinness into a standard Guinness pint glass. Pretty much like the time I was hoping to get Super Nintendo for Christmas and wound up getting NES.

Then, to add insult to injury:

Chris: The guinness girls just showed up and they're handing out free shit. Me and dawson just got top hats.

I miss Boston.

My New Favorite Army

2009-09-24T17:05:00.001-07:00

Thanks to our illustrious BN S3 and defensetech.org for this (and similarly, thanks to Starbuck via Google Reader for this):

Yup.

Iranian Rocket Parade

2009-09-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

I found this video from the Uskowi on Iran blog to be rather bizarre:

a) I like that smarmy bastard Ahmadinejad pretending as though he gives a flying crap about his wounded vets.

b) What the HELL is up with the guys with RPG's piggy backing on motorcycles?

c) The dude at about the 8:28 mark absolutely bones his goose step. He has probably already been shipped off to the gulag.

No further comment.

Hump Day Awesomeness

2009-09-23T07:47:00.001-07:00

I continue to tell myself that I will eventually post something on here that has some sort of intellectual value.

But honestly, I'd rather just default to Chuck Norris.

While President Obama delivers his speech on a new era of global cooperation, and debate continues over Gen. McChrystal's latest assessment of the war in Afghanistan, I spend my time watching this.

I am a scholarly juggernaut.

By the Way...

2009-09-21T17:33:00.000-07:00

This is one of the more hysterical links that I've come across recently.

I love spending roughly three times as much effort frequenting military blogs than actually doing anything relevant to Conflict Resolution (yeah, I'm an all star).

Oh yeah, and my housemates just gave me the Beatles' Rock Band game, so don't expect anymore blog posts for at least the next year and a half.

I am the walrus now, bitch.

Kids in Kabul

2009-09-21T17:21:00.000-07:00

I came across this picture of some local kids in Kabul on the Free Range International blog. Probably not the most heartening image I've seen relating to what lies ahead in Afghanistan.

Benning School for Boys

2009-09-19T19:35:00.000-07:00

In slightly more focused news, my old ROTC platoon TAC (now a 2LT Infantry) has a blog up and running on the experience of being a new LT.

So far I like the part that tells me how to con the government out of money.

Music'd

2009-09-19T19:15:00.000-07:00

Note: I reserve the right to be as incoherent as I want for the duration of this post. Writing structure is a crutch.

So I'm attempting to sit back and relax on what is basically my first true Saturday free of Army responsibilities in awhile. Of course that means sitting on my ass, making Sam Adams disappear, watching the Texas game and listening to music in my now completely Spartan living room (allowing all the female housemates to move out at the same time was poor decision).

Anyways, rocking out all day has made me realize that I'd like to infuse the old blog with some heart and soul every once in awhile. So I think that I am going to waste blog space by posting up musical awesomeness from now on.

First and foremost, in since UT has yet to completely choke I'll hit you all with this:

On a completely unrelated note, who saw Oregon's uniforms today? When is someone going to put a stop to this?

Uhm, Holy Crap?

2009-09-16T06:12:00.000-07:00

This is definitely one of the more f***ed up things I've read lately.

I'm pretty much at a loss for a comment on this one. Seriously, what college student (from Johns Hopkins no less) a) owns a freaken katana, b) keeps their katana sharp enough to nearly sever a human hand, c) has enough mad samurai skills to kill somebody with their katana?

There is no doubt in my mind that this kid has played far too many fantasy role playing games to be considered safe for further interaction with society.

Civil Affairs Fail

2009-09-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

My original plan when enlisting in the Army was to train as a Civil Affairs Specialist and, you know, get some mad skills to compliment my Conflict Resolution edumacation. Basically get real freaken proficient at the whole armed social work thing. Six months of training and multiple drills spent barbecuing or watching fellow reservists miserably fail the APFT (I personally witnessed a dude who was in the prime of his youth execute SIX sit ups to standard and then keel over into a moaning fetal ball of self pity and defeat) left me with absolutely no real knowledge or practical skills pertaining to how the Army expects to accomplish its Civil Affairs mission.

Reading anecdotes like this leads me to believe that perhaps the Army has no idea how it expects to accomplish its Civil Affairs mission:

Now remember the main mission? Assess a site to put in a new foot bridge. Welllll as we are leaving these strawberry fields, the convoy crushes two bridges to rubble. What were bridges wide enough to fit a small car, are now bridges wide enough to fit a unicycle or a 9 year old boy steering a golden retriever with a fanny pack. *Smacks forehead...ugh. At the time nobody gave a shit because we just wanted to go home. Once a bridge broke, the order was given for the remaining vehicles to simply go around it. But, I guess it's funny to think about now, from my bed, on my computer.

In summation: We were sent to assess a site where a new bridge is going to be built, which we couldn't find, instead destroyed two fully functional bridges with a convoy of gun trucks. Let's punch out for the day and go to happy hour.

Epic Fail.

The entire thing can be read at my buddy's blog here.

With the new COIN guidance lending more credence to population-centric approaches to counterinsurgency it would be heartening to know that our CMO experts aren't going to gallivant around the countryside destroying people's crap.

To be fair this is one very isolated account, and I know that these units do make a lot of positive contributions that hardly ever get reported. But damn guys, utilize some common sense please.

Army Epic Fail - Watch more Funny Videos

This has France written all over it.

Down to Two

2009-09-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

So apparently we are down to two options for the Army's next camo pattern:

Multicam

and......

Shit Brown ACU's

Seriously, all they did was add some brown to the original ACU's and called it 'UCP Delta'.

Whatever, it doesn't look any LESS functional than the ACU's so I guess either one would be an improvement.

Oh yah, and I survived Airborne school without any injuries. Although I did nearly lose my mind after spending 11 hours in a parachute harness (6 of which were in combat gear before the cadre gave up on that idea) without executing a single jump. Go Air Force.

Way Late, but Way Awesome

2009-09-15T11:11:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty much the last person on earth to see this, but oh well, it is awesome.

Groovy.

Beasted

2009-09-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

Crazy South Africans.

Weak Exit. Fail.

2009-09-07T11:05:00.000-07:00

Alright so the long weekend is just about over.

We have sustainment training in roughly and hour and a half to prepare for our first actual jumps tomorrow.

The general consensus seems to be that everyone just wants to get this done and over with in one piece.

That is to say, not end up looking like these clowns:

More to Educate Yourselves

2009-09-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

I am currently bored as hell and waiting for the chow hall to open.

If there is one thing I like to do whilst bored off my ass it is peruse counterinsurgency reading lists.

Here's one that I haven't seen posted anywhere yet and I've used quite a few of these articles to write crappy papers for crappy CR courses:

The Human Terrain System

If you don't already know what the HTS is, check out the rest of the web site. Civilians, we need more of you doing this so get on it. I've heard it pays reasonably well, even after recent cuts.

Columbus, GA = Existential Wasteland

2009-09-06T12:16:00.000-07:00

So whereas two weeks ago I was spending my weekend absolutely being a bro at the Ft. Benning library, this week I've graduated to the coffee shop across the street.

It freaken rocks.

While I sit here trying to get my productivity on I've got some dude right across from me getting absolutely lit up at Battlefield 2 with the volume all the way up. I can't help but watch because this guy is the epitome of terrible at this game. You cannot somehow hope to destroy that tank with your sniper rifle, what the HELL are you doing?! It is at this point that I give up trying to get any work done and start to think about just how badly this post sucks.

In my limited time here I've managed to compile a short list of my personal gripes that lead me to believe that this post and the surrounding area are a collective cultural black hole. I'll try to limit myself to one at a time right now.

- There are no book stores. People in Columbus freaken hate books. There are DROVES of Walmarts, Chic-fil-lets (?), pawn shops, and derelict bars that we are forbidden to go in because people get assaulted there, but no book stores. The Shoppette where I spend around $100 per week on Muscle Milk, Monster Energy Drinks and Skoal sells magazines yet not a single one relates in any way to the news. Want to know where to get guns and motorcycles? Too easy. Want to know what you'll look like after 8 straight weeks at the gym and $2k worth of steroids? Bam, right there. Interested in international affairs? F*** YOU! All and all I'm fairly certain that the most intellectually stimulating experience I've had here was at Hooters. God damn you people, go back to your shanties.

O.K. now that I've got that out of the way I'm going to try to go back to doing some reading. That is, if I can manage to not be distracted by the female OSC candidate who is displaying her personal myspace account to everyone in the cafe via the huge monitor she is working on.

Decrepit Hooverville

FOOTBALL

2009-09-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

College football is back.

Clearly that means that for the third year in a row I am going to publicly predict that Illinois' quarterback, Juice Williams, is going to win the Heisman.

Sam Bradford, Tim Tebow, give up now, resistance is futile. This is Juice's last chance at football immortality and he will not be denied.

Last year I think Juice fell somewhat short of my 100 total TD's prediction but I have a good feeling about this year (a good feeling that is not tempered by the fact that Juice has produced exactly zero points through a quarter and a half against Mizzou).

In other college football related ranting, I'm glad that Boston College heaped an absolute beating upon Northeastern earlier today. It helps me feel better about my undergrad institution, Stonehill College, and the fact that they were taken to the shed, 78-6, by Northeastern in the very first game my freshman year. Let's just say that this was a harbinger of difficult times for the Chieftains/Skyhawks.

Juice is, once again, loose.

Privates HATE Cadets

2009-09-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

As stated previously, Airborne is the epitome of face melting monotony. However, I have picked up on one very interesting theme during my time here: the fact that the privates consider themselves to be heads and tails ahead of the cadets in terms of military IQ.

You can't make it through a day without overhearing a little gaggle of privates shit talking cadets for things like not being able to march, not being able to call cadence, not being able to cover down in formation, etc etc etc. You know, things that privates fresh out of basic training have literally been doing in their sleep for the last four months or so. I could easily write this off as youngsters who have been physically and emotionally beaten down on a consistent basis (I was in their shoes once, although not the Sandhill variety of those shoes) attempting to aggrandize themselves at the expense of equally inexperienced cadets, but it got me thinking on the implications of a few points.

1. To a certain degree, they are probably right in many cases. There are some seriously jacked up cadets who have somehow blundered their way down to Airborne school. The bottom line is that a sober assessment probably puts the average private who graduated from Infantry Basic far ahead of these guys in terms of military competency. I don't know why this is the case, as most Hoya BN cadets granted the opportunity to attend Airborne are given the slots because they aren't going to completely embarrass the organization (ie: they know their shit and are generally not bags of ass). I realize that GU's program is definitely an above average one but some of these schools are simply sending people who have no business showing their face to the real Army at this point in their development. This is a harsh criticism because I know some of these kids are junior cadets (ie: MSI's and II's, freshman and sophomores) who haven't learned much of real Army life, but I legitimately fear for the damage that they do in terms of the perception of cadets on the whole.

Which brings me to the more important point:

2. The lack of respect for cadets. On average, the baseline level of respect seems to be lower for cadets than for new privates, at least amongst the enlisted. Most privates are simply appalled to find out that cadets don't have to attend basic training (although many more than I would have assumed have in fact attend basic at some point) and that many ROTC people never experience the unfettered joy of a personal relationship with a drill sergeant. This combined with the fact that many of these cadets are either at, or below the level of competency of the privates leads many of the enlisted personnel to believe that the single factor allowing these cadets to one day be officers is their college degree.

The two cadets I room with (one that I met at LDAC and one from GU's BN, both more squared away and bad ass than myself) and I had a short discussion with a Marine Recon sergeant about how difficult our jobs as new lieutenants would be. The crux of the discussion was that our degrees in Crocheting and Basket Weaving wouldn't mean jack shit as officers and that we would have a lot to learn after graduating. We didn't bother to interject anything about the leadership training and development that goes hand in hand with obtaining our degrees through ROTC and instead simply listened to his advice. Not that any of us are under any delusions about having an easy time as 2LT's, but if the enlisted ranks think that new officers are just spoiled little entitled brats, then the hard task of winning respect seems just that much harder.

I think it would do a lot of good to force all ROTC cadets to attend basic training or at least go through LTC (a six week, basic training lite, type deal complete with drill sergeants and all that jazz). In my mind this would help cadets relate to the experiences of the privates below them and keep the privates from looking down upon cadets and allow them to have a bit more respect for the new officers that are responsible for them.

I have heard cadets disparage the experience of basic training and voice the opinion that the benefits of basic are overstated, but I would honestly say that nothing in my year + of ROTC has sucked anywhere near as badly basic training and AIT did. I don't care how much extracurricular ROTC crap you engage in, or how many follow on training opportunities you pursue (ie: Airborne, Air Assault, Mountain Warfare etc etc etc.), none of it sucks quite as bad as basic and none of it lets a cadet know what each and every soldier under you has gone through as a prerequisite just to be there.

While the ROTC type stuff places far more responsibility on your shoulders and confronts cadets with some make or break career moments, it just does not allow people to empathize with the experience of being a private.

Alright, that's my opinion on the matter. Now privates, stop talking shit before I choke you out.

Well That Was a Confusing Use of Time

2009-09-04T18:40:00.000-07:00

So my attempted correspondence from Airborne school has been a remarkable failure so far. Due mainly to the fact that my free time has been dominated by attempting to recuperate from ludicrous amounts of PLFs (Parachute Landing Falls. Essentially falling with varying degrees of grace from varying sorts of apparatus), and the fact that I contracted some form of uber-swine flu which forced me to bed at about 1800 in order to have a prayer of making it through the next day's training, I've had very little motivation to get online and write anything. However, I'm mercifully enjoying a four day weekend (I neither exactly know, nor care what an Army training holiday is but it is the savior of my sanity right now) and figured I could spare a few minutes while all the privates are stealing away to drink Steal Reserve and contract medically undiscovered forms of STDs in Columbus.

We've completed the first two weeks (Ground and Tower week respectively) and are now apparently fully qualified to haphazardly fall out of the 'moving 1400 foot tower', a feat of awesomeness to be attempted starting Tuesday. What has brought us to this point has possibly been one of the most mind numbingly idiotic experiences of my entire life. I realize that this school has been operating in the same fashion since the very inception of the Airborne back in the '40s, but I swear to god, watching Airborne training go down is like watching monkeys trying to use tools for the first time. Literally each and every action be it a block of instruction, practical exercise, eating chow, whatever, necessitates about an hour of straight up standing around and doing nothing. This is nothing in the most profound sense of the word as we aren't allowed to have anything on our persons (most annoyingly, watches) besides what we are wearing and a canteen. Our options during these periods pretty much include wondering what the f*** is going on, drinking water, or wondering what the f*** time it is. Anyone with even the slightest appreciation for efficiency is driven to the point of absolute madness somewhere around day one.

I would say that eating lunch chow is without a doubt, the worst offender in the 'epic waste of time' category. This seemingly simple event requires forming up the entire company of Airborne students, initiating a double time off of the training area and back to the company area, reforming the company, being made to forcibly ingest Sera Sport (a rice based (?) electrolyte solution that tastes a lot like red side walk chalk), standing around waiting for your platoon's turn in the chow line, spending god only knows how long in the chow line, making separate trips through the chow hall for every item you desire to eat (ie: your main meal is one trip, drinks a second, salad a third, and depending on the vigilance of the people monitoring you, multiple more trips with one item in each hand for anything beyond that), reforming back into platoons after eating, waiting for the other platoons to finish to reform back into a company, initiating a double time back to the training area, and restarting whatever training was going on prior to the lunch time Odyssey. Who freaken knows how long this ends up taking on average but I wouldn't doubt that it sucks up a solid two hours of every single training day. The seemingly breathtakingly easy solution is to issue MRE's on the training site and giving everyone 20 minutes to eat, but apparently the suck factor of shoving the vegetarian omelet into your cheesehole doesn't quite meet the Airborne standard.

I'm convinced that this is the simple reasoning behind the ghastly inefficiency of Airborne school. Standing around and doing nothing sucks and things that suck build the character of paratroopers. I see no other possible explanation. If a group of three cadets can, within minutes, point out about a half dozen measures to increase the speed at which any given block of training is expedited than I would guess people have already thought these up themselves and deemed them incongruent with the training imperatives of Airborne school. So I've become resigned to the fact that I will end up marginally proficient at falling out of a C-130 as well as an absolute expert at standing around with a stupid look on my face doing nothing.

I'd like to be able to say that I've accomplished something of noteworthy significance so far but that just is not the case. I don't even have any cool stories about getting smoked by asshole instructors (I was disappointed to not be served a spaghetti dinner and then forced to run up a mountain or anything to that effect). It has simply been a lot of falling down and 'hurrying up and waiting' (a term I would be shocked to learn originated anywhere other than Ft. Benning).

But such is life at Airborne school, I'll be relieved to simply get out of here in one piece so I can check off this box and mentally carpet bomb the experience out of my memory.

BAC: Week -1

2009-08-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

So its Saturday and I'm hanging out with all the cool kids at the Fort Benning library, watching my 30 minutes of computer usage tick down on the counter in front of me.

So far we've been here since Wednesday and have done absolutely nothing besides in process and get acclimated to the lovely Georgia weather (which is, as I remember it, just about as brutal as Fayatteville's weather was around this time of year).

There hasn't really been much of interest to talk about so far.

Our days have been spent filling out paper work, getting briefs on the rules of Airborne school by four or five different superiors (strangely with serious deviations between that of the BN commander, CO commander, and PSG) , standing around in the sun, sitting around in the shade in Heat Cat 5 posture (I don't know if that is an actual term, but whatever, it means we get to roll up our sleeves and unblouse our boots because it is eighty hundred million degrees out), getting chewed out at the DFAC for being too retarded to figure out the 'Australian NASCAR' method of moving about the chow hall, and just generally trying to gauge our Black Hats to determine what kind of suckfest we can expect on Monday.

Really nothing too life altering.

Free time has been spent at the brand new gym up the street trying to undo the effects of post-LDAC binging, checking out some of the monuments in the vicinity of our company area, and spending all my money on Monster Energy Drinks and Skoal (both of which go well with extreme heat I'm told).

Oh yeah, and hanging out at the library like a true champion.

That's right, so far we've declined the opportunity to test out the Fort Benning/Columbus night life with the rest of the E-1 through 4's who just got out of Sandhill (like caged animals being re-released into the wild). We've decided that it would probably be most prudent to let the first wave of retards get kicked out of Airborne for alcohol related offenses before we indulge in any libations. After all, my birthday is next Friday and I need to have a decent idea of what I can, and cannot expect to get away with.

Anyways, that's pretty much it for now. Real stuff starts Monday and I'll be sure to let you know as soon as I shatter my ankle or something to that effect.

BAC Prep

2009-08-13T08:55:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the sparse posting since returning from Ft. Lewis last week. Unfortunately the combination of suffering from a concussion immediately after camp and then trekking back to New England has limited my ability to post/think clearly.

As a means of bringing the blog up to speed, my next cadet land adventure is a lovely three week vacation at lovely Ft. Benning Georgia and the Basic Airborne Course.

I'm a bit confused right now over whether I am excited for this, or if I should be swiftly kicking myself in the ass for ever accepting the invitation. I realize now that I will be attending this course at some point in the near future regardless of whether or not I did it through ROTC. Thus, I figure that there will be more opportune times to attend that do not cause me to miss two weeks of grad school classes and a week of slacking off with friends and family in New England.

Which brings me to the topic of my grueling preparation for airborne school. Like most Army schools, airborne includes an APFT (physical fitness test) to prove that you are not a complete shit bag, physically unfit to take part in the rigors of falling out of an airplane. In a complete 180 from my fitness regimen prior to LDAC, I have done absolutely NOTHING to prepare for this test (or the incidental physical toils that are inherent to BAC). In fact, the two months prior to me showing up to Ft. Benning next week (19AUG) have looked something like this:

June 29th(ish): Took APFT for LDAC. 310 score for those of you keeping track.

June 30th(ish) - July 29th: Participated in absolutely NO organized PT at LDAC. Occasionally did push ups and pull ups, primarily to ensure that I still looked jacked and tan. Participated in absolutely NO runs of over 50 or so yards.

July 29th - August 6th: Suffered a concussion almost immediately upon returning from LDAC. Sat on couch for roughly a week in a state of confusion/nausea. Attempted to self medicate with Yeungling and clove cigarettes with little positive effect. Went to the gym sporadically. Mostly just worked on the jacked and tan look.

August 6th - August 11th: Returned to New England to bro out and visit family. Went camping in Maine (when I say camping, I mean that I went to Saco, for those who understand this) and subsisted on a diet consisting entirely of Labat Blue Light, cheese burgers, and the occasional Mike's Hard Lemonade for breakfast (don't judge me). Was taken out to dinner/lunch by every family member I have. Consumed an estimated 300 + dollars of restaurant food. Considered working out on my father's sweet Bow Flex. Did not have the courage to do so. Sat outside by the pool instead.

August 12 - Present: Made it to the gym for the first time to prep for BAC. Running was a struggle.

So that's that. I'm not particularly worried about this sequence of events, but its just one more thing that makes me believe that BAC is probably something that is best left until ROTC is dead and in the past. More to come on this later.